Tuesday, 11 January 2011

Tuesday 11th January 2011

Have you ever had a stalker?
I had a Farcebook stalker once, it was the boyfriend of ex-wife #2 who sent me a ‘Friend Request’. I promptly ignored it and then received a second request shortly after. This second request was declined also, but was followed up with a private message asking my “Don’t you want to be my friend, Mr Carew?”.

Well at this point I did not know who this person was, but as his location was the same as the then current address for psycho ex-wife #2 then I put two and two together and correctly worked out the answer.

The following exchange of messages was quite interesting, it went something like this:
Him “Don’t you want to be my friend, Mr Carew?”
Me “I don’t know, do I or don’t I???? Give me a clue?”
Him “Sorry mate, wrong person. The bloke I was looking for is from Essex”
Me “That’s OK, I used to live in Essex myself.”
Him “Sorry again mate, the bloke I was after lived near Lakeside (Essex) with a fat bird, not up North.”
Me “That’s funny, I used to live near Lakeside. And how do you know I live up North.”
Him “Your avatar gives it away. Sorry, I won’t bother you again.”(I had a picture of a ‘Northern Monkey as my avatar at the time.)
Me “Well I had that avatar the first time you sent me the friend request, and the second.”
No reply.
Me “You wouldn’t be lying to me, would you?”
No reply.
Me “What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue?”

Never had a reply since, but ex-wife #2 wasn’t very amused when I told her!!!

I’ve now got a stalker who messages me on this very blog. Read the comments if you don’t believe me. I get messaged if I don’t post a post. It’s great really, having a nice stalker. It’s a bit like having a Microsoft Outlook reminder on your calendar, sending you a message to make sure you don’t forget something, but more human.
The only thing that I am quite upset about is that I have only one. A couple more would be good, that way if one of them, the chief stalker, was on holiday or out of reach of t’interweb (if there is such a thing) then one of the assistant stalkers could step up to the mantle and raise their stalks, so to speak. Not quite sure about a whole army of stalkers though, that could get a tad out of hand, especially if they all sent messages at the same time. I may clog up. And think of the pressure I would be under to write stuff, I may crack. I could turn into Salman Rushdie, or Sir Ahmed Salman Rushdie as he is known to the Queen.

I would have to go into hiding and everything.............

1 comment:

  1. I will see if i can drum up some more stalkers sorry (fans) for your blog. Might even give you hints on something else to write about. :-) ha ha ha that was very funny Mr Carew. At lest you know your stalker.