Monday, 31 January 2011

Monday 31st January 2011

Has the world gone totally fucking mad???

Here we are in the grip of a recession, despite what the gobblement says, with people losing their jobs all over the shop,
companies folding, taxes rising and what happens, the football world goes totally fucking barmy.
Last day of the transfer window and teams are spending squillions of pounds on blokes to kick a ball around.
Gawd knows how much in wages, signing on fees, transfer fees, agent fees, image rights and fuck knows what else. How do clubs justify it? If bankers are given huge bonuses and wages then they are, rightly in my opinion, slated. But what about footballers? They play ninety minutes of football at a time, most of it spent walking around, and complain that if they have to play two games in one week they don't get time to rest.

REST??? FUCKING REST??? You're supposed to atheletes you knobcheeses, get off the freaking golfcourse and run around on the pitch for a bit without falling over, you overpaid primadonna wankers.

They claim they have to be paid so much because the only have short careers. Why
spend so much money on cars and shit then? If you only have short careers then save some of it. Don't try and be flash, and nine times out of ten get it wrong. You don't need such a big bastard house and all those cars.Or if you want to fritter all your money away on agents fees and stuff, don't bleat about it when you are coaching the local school U13 team when you are thirty.

It's a bit like panic buying at Christmas, this transfer window lark. Scramble to buy the players before 2300hrs tonight cause they won't be available for another fifteen fucking games (or something like that). Shame these football 'stars' couldn't take performance related pay. That'd sort some of the fuckers out. If they don't perform, don't pay 'em as much. Bollocks to all this 'appearance bonus', 'win bonus', 'pass bonus', 'put my socks on the correct feet unaided bonus' shit, pay them less when they lose not more when they win.
That Michael Owen, he's a cunt too. Always has been, always will be.

That's my rant about footballers over. I'm knackered now.

It's been a slow day.............

Sunday, 30 January 2011

Sunday 30th January 2011

Just got back from Somerset and fuck me the house is cold.
Trouble is, when I've been away for a few days the boiler goes out and at this time of year the coal gets damp and it takes an age to light it. I've used about three boxes of firelighters so far and I think the coal is just about dry now. Hopefully it will light soon and I can get the heating on.
I really must look at dragging myslef into the 21st century and get a proper cental heating system. Trouble is, in this current economic climate, and with the ongoing threat of redundancy ever-present, maybe now is not such a good time. I'll have to struggle on with me damp coal I suppose.

I may have to employ a little person to come in and light it for me before I come home. I'm not being derogatory to small people, but they would have to be little to get through the bathroom window. It's the only one I could leave open without burglars being able to get in. Unless they were dwarf burglars of course, but then they wouldn't be able to nick much, not if they were real small cause they wouldn't be able to carry the big stuff.
I suppose they could be the 'entry man' for normal sized people though, get through the little window and open the front door from the inside to let all the bigger people in. I must remember that and make sure I hang the keys way up high.

Anyway, the little fella could come in on a Sunday afternoon and light the fire. Maybe
make me a meal for when I return. I'm never that hungry, but normally want something, so a little meal would be perfect. Maybe chefs who cook 'Nouvelle Cuisine' are dwarf wannabes. All their portions are miniscule. Maybe they either want to be dwarves or want to cater for them. Maybe they are dwarves themselves. You very rarely see chefs, except on TV and people do say that the camera adds pounds to people. Maybe it adds height too. Who knows.
I'm not trying to be rude to dwarves here, I am just throwing a fews ideas around, so if any dwarves are reading then: no offence guys.

God this house is still fucking cold. The fire is now lit, but it takes bastard forever to warm up. I think I will have to sleep fully clothed tonight.............

Saturday, 29 January 2011

Saturday 29th January 2011

"We're gonna have a reet good neet"

"It's not rate funny"

"That's gurt lush"

It's funny how dialects change in different parts of the country. There is one word in each of three sentences above that mean the same thing: "reet", "rate" and "gurt". They all mean 'very'.
In Rotherham and the surrounding areas you can go out for a really good night, in Worksop you might think something is not really funny and in the South West something can be really nice (lush).
Another good example is what people around the country call each other.
In Bristol, and the South West, everyone calls everyone 'mate'. 'Areet mate' is the normal greeting. Unless you are a taxi driver, delivery driver, bus driver or anyone who drives a vehicle for a living. Then you are simply known as 'Drive'. Get of a bus and the most common phrase you will here from all the other disembarking passengers is 'Cheers Drive'.
In the Midlands everyone calls calls everyone else 'Duck'. Men calling other men 'Duck' has never seemed right to me, but there you go. "Ay-up Duck" is a phrase I quite often hear, and when it is a completely uncamp bloke, built like the proverbial out-house saying it, it's is totally wrong.

I baked cakes today, gurt lush they was, reet good, rate tasty. When I say I baked them, I lied. My daughters made them. I offered to buy some of those packs from Tesco, the ones that you just have to add water and maybe an egg, but they refused. We bought flour, eggs, butter and caster sugar and they made them from scratch. I just helped with the weighing and the mixing of the younger daughter's mix. They were very good though. A bit of food colouring went into younger daughters so they were blue sponge cakes with egg-yolk yellow icing. The elder daughters were more traditional, albeit with loads of milk and white chocolate chips in the middle.
They were very good.

We had a roast dinner tonight, elder daughter did a lot of the cooking to help me mum. Mum is waiting for a hip operation, which was supposed to happen today, but that's another story, so elder daughter (who is 12 years old) made the yorkshire puddings, the bread sauce and the stuffing. She must take after me I suppose.

I've just had a ten minute conversation about the shower timings. Who will be using the shower in the morning and at what time. The fact that there are three showers in this house and five people who will want a shower, it shouldn't really be a problem. But somehow it always turns into one.

The anonymous driver turned out to be quite friendly in the end. Well I say in the end, they were not unfriendly in the beginning. I was driven to the exact place I wanted to go, which was nice, and there was no threat of violence whatsoever. Not even a hint of roughness, which was a bit of a shame really, but we got here in the end.
Suppose I'll have to drive home tomorrow, but you can't win them all.
It'll probably be more relaxing than the drive down, I was going to go to sleep but I was too scared.............

Friday, 28 January 2011

Friday 28th January 2011

Ha ha ha ha ha ha, I wasn't gonna, but it looks like I am.

I have driven from Glasgow to Doncaster, well Harworth but not many people know where that is, and I am now en route to Somerset. Obviously I'm not driving, that would be irresponsible, but I am being driven by an anonymous person wearing a balaclava. It could be The Stig for all I know, in fancy dress as whoever it is is not wearing a white racing suit.
I am presuming it is the 'anonymous' that commented on last night's post, but I can't be sure.

It never ceases to amaze me, this t'interweb lark.
Here I am, sitting in the passenger seat of my car, listening to one of my all time favourite tracks on the CD (Ziggy Stardust, David Bowie) and using t'interweb on my laptop with no wires hanging out of it at all.
How does it all work?
Not just t'interweb thing, but how do you make CDs so that when you put them in a machine music comes out?
And how, just by turning a little knob, or pressing a button on the steering wheel in this case, does the volume go up and down?
When you start thinking about everyday stuff that we take for granted, it makes you think some more.
It makes you wonder.

Trowell services.....
How do these places get their names? Do you think that when it was getting built there was a very good brickie on the job with an amazing trowel and he did such a good job, built it single handedly or something, that they named the place after him?
River Erewash, there's another one. Was it once used by the local eye, nose, ear and throat hospital and then the eyes and the ears and the throats pulled out so they named it after the one remaining organ that required it. It is probably pretty waxy by now, if it is still being used.

Aint motorways boring. They are long, mainly colourless and fairly straight. And long. It would be much more fun if the people who designed them put a few chicanes in, or a couple of hair pin bends. Maybe jazz them up a bit too, paint the central reservation different colours, have different coloured b ulbs in the streetlights. Make some of them flash.
And how about some entertainment on the hard shoulder. Not big screens showing films or anything drastic like that, that would be a tad distracting, but jugglers and clowns and stuff.
This could be another thing for criminals to do, along with driving on icy roads (see earlier post). It wuld make journeys more interesting, keep the kids amused and maybe stop a few accidents as drivers would be kept more alert.
Just a thought, probably won't ever catch on.

I'm gonna go now, try and have a nap, but I could be back later.
We'll see.......

Thursday, 27 January 2011

Thursday 27th January 2011

Well here I am again, Bonnie Scotland.
Not a bad journey, I was on site for ten to eight. Drove through a little sleet, but nothing much. It's amazing though, the amount of crap that comes off the road and lands on your windscreen. I was having to wash the screen about every 30 seconds.
Such a salubrious office too. It is made from metal and has no heating. I was sat at the desk for most of the day but it's OK, I can feel my feet again now.

I'm watching a TV programme about Inuits living in the Artic and they are hunting Narwhals.
The Narwhal is a funny beast, mostly whale, but with the tusk of a Unicorn. At first glance it seems a shame to kill them, but they don't hunt them for sport. Oh no, every part of the whale is used. The skin has, pound for pound, the same amount of vitamin C as an orange.
They also catch birds, with a net, and store them in an empty seal skin. 500 birds in one seal, covered in a bit of fat and buried in the ground. Keeps for months apparently. Don't think I'll bother trying this recipe though, not with being a vetinarian and all.

One doz, number 12. That's my room number tonight if anyone wants to pop in and say "hello", maybe bring me a cake or something. I'm not too keen on Iced Fingers though, in fact I really dislike them.

The birds I mentioned earlier get fermented whilst in the seals empty skin and gets a taste like intense Gorgonzola cheese. You can eat every bit of the bird; feathers, bones, guts, legs, everybloodything. Why would you want to eat a dead bird that has been stuffed inside an empty seal skin, buried for three months coated in seal fat that tastes like stinky cheese?

Not sure if I'll be writing a blog for the next coulpe of days. It's not that I can't be arsed, but I am visiting my daughters in Somerset this weekend and, I hate to tell you this, they are ever-so slightly more important than you lot.
I definitely won't be doing one tomorrow, as I am driving from Glasgow to Somerset, via Doncaster, and I think I may be a little tired. I'll try and do one on Saturday, but I'll not promise.............

Wednesday, 26 January 2011

Wednesday 26th January 2011

Coffee. I think I am addicted. It's the caffeine I suppose. It's a psychoactive stimulant you know.
Who knows what that means though. Well Mr Wiki probably does. "A psychoactive drug, psychopharmaceutical, or psychotropic is a chemical substance that crosses the blood-brain barrier and acts primarily upon the central nervous system where it affects brain function, resulting in changes in perception, mood, consciousness, cognition, and behavior. These substances may be used recreationally, to purposefully alter one's consciousness, as entheogens, for ritual, spiritual, and/or shamanic purposes, as a tool for studying or augmenting the mind, or therapeutically as medication."Well there you go.
I have my first cup at about six in the morning. I go downstairs and make one for meself and Liz. The kettle is on the opposite side of the kitchen to the fridge and I stand there whilst the kettle is boiling and work out where I need to go in the kitchen and how I can do it in the least number of passes across the kitchen floor.
For example, if I pour the water in the cups and then go to the fridge, get the milk and walk back to the cups, put the milk in and then go back to the fridge to put the milk away, I have to go back to the cups and that equates to four passes before I can carry the coffee away.
If, however, I carry the cups to the side where the fridge is then it is only three passes: one to the fridge with the cups, one to the sink to put the spoon in the wash and one back to the cups.
If I carried the cups to the sink with the spoon, I could do it in two. I'll give that a go tomorrow.
What a thing to think about at a quarter to six in the morning.

Twenty four and a quarter, that's this weeks magic number.
I'll not tell you why, but it is this week.

I did it in two this morning, having wrote the above last night. Did it by carrying the cups to the fridge, pouring the milk then carrying the cups to the sink with the spoon.
Tomorrow I think I'll throw the spoon to the fridge, so that'll be a one.

I won a bid on ebay on Sunday, the complete Soulwax / 2Many Djs collection. My winning bid was £14.99, plus £1 post and packing, that's £16 for over 40hrs of music. It's not come yet and I'm starting to think I got ripped off. Mind you, it did say three to four days delivery time, so I'll wait until the weekend before I kick up a fuss.

The weekly pilgrimage to Glasgow tomorrow, so I'll be typing with a Scottish accent tomorrow night.

Monday, 24 January 2011

Tuesday 25th January 2011


I have a few pairs of shoes, probably too many for a bloke.
I have a blue pair and a silver pair, but someone suggested to me that I should try a blue and silver pair.
It was Skoob that suggested it, Skoob; the bloke off, currently 7th on the top table.
If I get shoes like this then I'm blaming Skoob.
The blue shoes are pretty cool, the sort of shoes you can wear anywhere. Shopping, the beach, skiing, you name it and you can wear them there.
The silver ones are a bit more tricky. I've worn them once and the silver has come off the toes where I knelt down. I think I'll have to get some silver paint to give em a touch up.

I had to do a test today. It was a CSCS test. For those of you who don't know a CSCS test is a 'Construction Skills Certification Scheme' test which you have to pay £17.50 for in order to qualify for a CSCS card, which will cost you a further £30.
The idea is to make construction sites a safer place to be, which is right I suppose, but some of the questions were a little scary.
"You have to work in a confined space, in order to make sure the air is breathable do you: (a) go into the confined space to see if you can breath, (b) light a match and see if it stays lit, (c) use an air meter to check the air, or (d) hold your breath for as long as possible whilst working?"
Some of the questions really make you think that if people got them wrong they shouldn't be allowed to live, let alone work on a construction site.
Fortunately, I passed. I was worried I was going to fail, the embarrassment would have been too much to bear.

I have had some negative comments about my new background and layout. Upset me really, but I suppose I had better change it if no one but me likes it. It's not all about me, I suppose.
Hang on a mo, it is all about me, it's my fucking blog and I should really do as I wish. As is my wont.
But I won't, I will probably change it. At some point.

Andy Gray, what a twat.
Some people are saying "Does this mean we are not allowed to talk about anything when we are at work anymore, in case we say something someone doesn't like?" Well yes, if you work for a global media company earning hundreds of thousands of pounds (probably) and are miked up. YES YOU DO HAVE TO WATCH WHAT YOU SAY YOU FUCKING RETARD!!!!Serves him right, that's my honest opinion, the prick.
Did you know Richard Keys is such a hairy bastard that he has to shave twice a day? He must be a more direct descendant to the apes than the rest of us.

Thinking of a new career. Might go into the Black Pudding market. I know a bloke who has a load of puddings, all different types, that he said he would sell me on the cheap. Could make a fortune on the black market.
Are you allowed to say that anymore? I bet Andy Gray couldn't.
Or Big Ron. He was a bit of a twat too, wasn't he.
Gordon Brown as well. You would think they would learn. Is it a copycat thing? He can get away with it so I'll have a go.
And have any women done it?
If you know of any, let me know.

In the word's of Peter Murphy: Bela Lugosi's dead.............

Monday 24th January 2011

I've changed the layout of the blog. I don't know if you noticed, but the background is a different shade and the font is a different style. I quite like it, but I can't tell if it makes it more difficult to read.
Let me know your thoughts and I will change it back, if common consensus dictates.

I was in a branch of a well known chain of coffee houses owned by Whitbread the other day (Costa, if you don't know and really want to) and was queueing up to order my vanilla cappuccino with an extra shot when the woman in front of me ordered the most bizarre drink I have heard being asked for.
I quite often drink espresso, and when in Costa or Starbucks or any of the other coffee places, will always have a double. This woman ordered a double espresso too, but she wanted a double espresso made with de-caff coffee.
A de-caff espresso!!!
If you are sitting there wondering why this is so bizarre, then I really can't be arsed to explain, but just believe me, it is.

I am running the risk of confusing myself, big time.
Yesterday I posted the blog and then a bit later I thought of some more stuff.
So I wrote another one, but posted it today as Sunday's blog and here I am today writing a post, which will be going out on Monday, which is tomorrow. Even more confusing is the fact that I am writing this in real time, today (Sunday) but if you read it on the day I post it you will be reading it today (Monday) which is really tomorrow as today is yesterday.
So the big question is, should I carry on writing this and post it tomorrow, and that would probably mean I write Tuesday's on Monday, do I finish writing and then just leave it as an 'emergency' post for days when I can't think of anything to write, or do I post it today as a bonus blog, and write a new one tomorrow?
I think there is only one answer, as I have written all that shit, if I don't post it tomorrow it will just confuse people cause they won't really know what I am talking about. I'll just leave it I think. I could post it tomorrow, not write one tomorrow (which will then be today) and have the day off.

Took the dog to St John's Wood today, just for a bit of a change. She decided to find the fattest stick going and carried around with her for the entire walk, except for when she was demanding that I throw it for her. Then a Golden Retriever came over and tried to nick it off her. It was like a doggy tug-of-war, Jessie growling and the Retriever yanking. Jess bit my thumb, not intentionally but it hurt all the same. Then the Retriever's mate came along, distracted Jess and the other one ran off with the stick. A doggy mugging, you could say.

I have just ordered some pure crystal capsaicin extract.This stuff is not to be fucked with.
I haven't ordered it to use it, it is one of those things that simply has to be ordered just to be able to say "I have some of that!" If you can remember me talking about 'Blairs Mega Death', a sauce that scares me at 800,000 scovilles, this pure crystal capsaicin extract has a heat rating of around 16,000,000 scovilles. If you watch the video on then you will see why you shouldn't fuck with this stuff, so I don't really know what I am going to do with it. I have a feeling I am going to have to try it, but as I don't drink anymore I can't do the whole vodka thing. Or can I, as technically I am not drinking the vodka, I am using it as a cooking aid.
Hmmm, we will have to see what happens when it turns up. It may call out my name so loudly that I just have to open it.............

Sunday, 23 January 2011

Sunday 23rd January 2011

Ever wondered why you have to cut your fingernails more often than your toenails?
Because fingernails grow four times faster.
But why? Why should fingernails grow fourtimes faster? Is it because your toenails are generally covered and therefore do not see that much daylight? is it because they are a little thicker and so have to work harder to grow, or is it merely because not so many people see them so they just can't bothered to grow.

But, fuck me, can you imagine having toenails like these? (the ones in the picture dummy) What was she thinking of? If it is a she, that is. Why would you want to do THAT. I mean, it's not all that, is it. Not attractive. I aint gonna see that on someones feet and think to myself, "she's got interesting feet, I think I'll try and get to know her a little better." Oh no, I'm a-thinking "holy shit, here comes a freak, run away."

Another fact is that dolphins sleep with one eye open. It's funny, but I never really thought about dolphins sleeping at all. The obvious thought is that they keep the open eye open to look out for predators. But if they are asleep, does their vision still function or is it meant to trick predators into thinking that they can be seen so they don't bother trying to attack? Or do they keep one eye open due to the fact that if they shut it they would drown? Don't laugh, how do you know this is not true, have you ever seen a dolphin with both eyes shut? No cause they don't do it, do they? So it could be true.

It is said that Reindeer like bananas. How did anyone ever find that out?
It's not as if bananas are in an abundance in native Reindeer territory is it? You don't get many banana trees in the Artic and Subartic do you? Maybe a Reindeer inadvertently wandered into the local Tesco Express and nicked one off the shelf. After all, you can get bananas all year round in any part of the world these days, thanks to the convenience of global supermarkets.
But this could be good news for millions of parents the world over. How many of you have tried to bite the end off a carrot on Christmas Eve, late at night after a skinfull, just to try to convince the little-uns that the reindeer have visited. Well spread the word that Reindeer love bananas and no more raw carrot for you, feast on the softness of a nice banana instead, much easier to swallow when pissed.

Have you ever wondered why British postage stamps do not have the name of the country of origin on them (I mean that they do not state they are British stamps), but all other countries do? If you know, post the answer in the comment box at the bottom. If I remember I may post the answer at some point, but then again I'll probably forget.

Talking of dolphins sleeping with one eye open, apparently ants never sleep. Never. Not even 40 winks.
Or do they?
How do we know that they don't sleep with both eyes open. They may even carry on with their usual daily routine, asleep. We can't really ask them for an answer can we? And if they are asleep, but with both eyes open and carrying on with ther daily routine, is it really counted as sleeping?

The earth is reputedly approx. 6,588,000,000,000,000,000 tons in weight. How do we know? Can we prove it? What sort of shop would sell a set of scales big enough to weigh it? Not even Tesco would do one of them.
And if God is omnipotent, could he make a rock so big that not even he could lift it? If so; how? And if not; why not? It's a bit of a conundrum.

Pepsi originally contained pepsin, thus the name.
Louis IV of France had a stomach the size of two regular stomachs.
The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat.
Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.

I'm not sure about that last one.
It they haven't got kneecaps then they obviously don't need them as you don't see the majority of kids with no kneecaps going to the hospital every five minutes to get their kees repaired do you? Well I have never seen one, and I have four children so statistically I would have seen at least one. Wouldn't I.
So why do we get them when we reach 2 to 6 years old?
Are we more prone to accidents of the knee at these age range?
And how does the body know when to grow them, do the legs have minds of their own which knows that we are about to start falling over more and injure our knees? Maybe Professor Norton Folgate knows the answer, I'll have to ask him next time we are speaking.

Saturday, 22 January 2011

Saturday 22nd January 2011

I bought a new sat-nav today.
I bought a Garmin nuvi 1410, I got it from Halfords and it was reduced from £399 to £129. Don't know why it was ever £399 if they can sell it for £129 but there you go. It has a 5" widescreen and you can choose what kind of pointer to use to show you where you are and where you are going. It is set with a little blue car as a default but I changed it to a bird. I haven't got a clue what type of bird it is but it isn't a little bird, more like a bird of prey. An eagle or a falcon probably. You can't really tell as it is only a small icon but it flaps it's wings as you drive along.
I had to buy a sat-nav following the debacle with O2, where the bastards ripped me off with their limited 'unlimited' t'interweb access package.
I must go and complain to O2 sometime, see if they will do anything about their mis-selling when I took out the contract.

I've seen a lot of these foot massage places spring up recently. The ones where
they use Garra Rufa fish to massage your feet. Don't know if I fancy putting my feet in a fish tank and letting fish eat my feet. It's not so much the fish nibbling your feet that puts me off, cause lets face it they can't do a lot of damage to you can they? It's not as if they can fit your whole foot in their mouth and if they give you a litlle nibble you can just pull your foot out or simply squash them with your other foot. I wonder if you did pull your foot out the fish would hang on to it like a dog hangs onto a rubber toy when you swing it round and round.
What really puts me off is the fact that these tanks that you put your feet in aren't very big and they have quite a lot of fish in each one.
All these fish have to piss and shit somewhere don't they and I don't see any little fishy toilets. Also you get all these people putting there skanky feet in the tanks and I don't expect many people think to themselves "I'm going to get a Garra Rufa fish massage whilst I'm in town today, I'd better wash my feet for the occasion.".
I suppose it's a good idea though. You always get these places in shopping centres where people are walking around all day and getting tired feet.
But have you seen the prices? The one I saw was £10 for 15 minutes.
Yep, that's ten of your English pounds for fifteen fucking minutes.
So all in all you have a bunch of fish that spend all day eating the skin off peoples dirty skanky feet and pissing and shitting in a small tank of water. And they want me to pay £10 to put my feet in there? I don't think so.

Bought a wok today too. As we have the ingredients for a stir fry, with healthy soy sauce, and it didn't get eaten last night, I thought I would buy a wok to cook it in. Hopefully it will taste more authentic. More Chinese. I'll chuck a bit of chilli sauce in with it too, give it a bit of a kick.

Liz bought a bike. Went to Halfords and got the whole thing: bike, helmet, pump,
lights, gloves, hat, backpack and puncture kit. The man in Halfords put it all together for her and it is now stood in the hallway. My bet is that it will stay there from now til eternity, but at least she rode it round the carpark before we put it in the car so at least she can say she has used it.
She got it with one of these 'Ride to Work' vouchers. As if that is gonna happen. We live about 15 miles from her work so she would need to get one with an engine for that. Still I suppose if it stays in the hallway it will stay clean.

I had a bet on Rovers to win 2-1 with Hoskins to score first. Hoskins did score first and they were winning 2-1 but they have just scored a third.
I should by happy really, they don't normally win, but if they are going to win they could at least do it with the score I have bet on. I would have been happy and £100 better off.
I've got a fiver on the shitty team in Bristol too, to win. A consolation bet. If they lose I'm happy, if they win I make money. They are drawing at the moment.
My Premier league accumulator fell at the first fence with those pricks Liverpool beating Wolves 3-0 in the early kick off so all in all I'm not doing so good today.............

Friday, 21 January 2011

Friday 21st January 2011

My last post was #69. Now that's a bit of a mouthful.

Thank gawd it's Friday, left Glasgow at half three and I just got in.
Five fucking hours in the car again, that's 10 hours driving plus 17 hours work in two days. Damn I'm fucking committed to the cause.

I know someone (who's name I shan't mention) who bought ingredients for a stir-fry and bought Light Soy Sauce because they thought it was healthier than dark. A bit like Muller lite, except it's soy sauce and not imitation yoghurt with processed fruit.
Nothing like Miller Lite though, that's a fat free healthy alcoholic beverage drunk by gay Americans who wear cowboy hats.

I went to a yee-haa cowboy type bar in America once.
I never thought that type of place existed, except for on the tele in trashy American show, but there is definitely at least one. I know, I've been there.
It was full of men in checked shirts, denim jeans and cowboy hats and women in checked shirts, denim mini-skirts and cowboy hats. There was lots of yee-haa-ing too, and plenty of beer drunk.
There was a small stage at the front, which was raised up about an inch higher than the rest of the floor, with a banjo plucker and everything. The lot. The whole nine yards, the full monty, the complete package.

I had a 'Mushroom and Goat's Cheese' burger last night. The menu said it was
'a vegetarian option burger, made from mushrooms with goat's cheese, served with salad and french fries.' Sounds nice, I thought, so I ordered it. When it came it wasn't really a 'burger made from mushrooms with goat's cheese' but more like 'a couple of large flat mushrooms with goat's cheese on top on a pile of lettuce, tomato, cucumber and onion between two halves of a bun'.
It was nice though, and I suppose it was in Scotland, the land of the fried Mars Bar.
I can't really say anything too detrimental about Scotland otherwise my stalker #1 and only fan may get nasty.

They say that coffee and cigarettes are an alcoholic's best friend. Could be true I suppose, they are all drugs at the end of the day.

Have you noticed all the adverts that are cropping up in these blogs? Just hover over any of the red words and you will get one. All at Amazon. If you want to buy something on Amazon let me know what it is and I'll put a link up in a blog. You click on it and buy it through the link and I make money. I won't share any of it with you, but you will still have your stuff and you will feel much better for it in the knowledge that you have helped a struggling blogger.

Nothing beats a bit of shameless self promotion.............

Thursday, 20 January 2011

Thursday 20th January 2011

My first car was a Volkswagen Beetle.
Not a poncy one like you get these days, but a proper one; the one that Hitler had designed. Not the actual one, obviously, but the proper one all the same.

I had learned to drive in my mum's car, a Vauxhall Nova. It was a saloon, not a hatchback, and was the old 'B' reg. B378 AYB it was, not a bad car but not as nice as my first Beetle.
I had always wanted a Beetle and at the grand old age of seventeen I was about to get my first one. And what a beauty, cream coloured and immaculate condition. The bloke who was selling it obviously loved Beetles as much as I did and I think he was quite happy that someone like me was buying it. Someone who really wanted it and would love it and take care of it and have it forever.
It cost me 750 quid, which back then (24 years ago) was top rate for a Beetle, but it was a good one.
At four o'clock on that Saturday afternoon the sale was completed and I became the very proud owner of my dream car, drove it home with a big grin on my face, like I had a coat hanger wedged in my mouth, and I was the dogs bollocks then. This was MY car and it was the best car in the world.
Unfortunaltely at nine o'clock that very same evening I was being taken home in a police car, weeping like a small child, as I had just written off by beloved dream car after losing control on an 'S-bend' and putting it on it's roof.
Not good days, but I bought another one the following Friday, £90 and it lasted me six months.

Bit foggy today. Drove to Scotland this morning and it took me five hours, instead of the usual four, as I had to keep the speed down to around 60mph across the A66. The fact that 60mph is the legal speed limit across the A66 has nothing to do with it, it still slowed me down.
I have slowed down my driving these days. Too many speeding tickets I suppose. That and the fact I am getting older and more responsible (guffaw). I no longer drive like a 'Bat out of Hell', more like a 'Bat out of Purgatory' now.
It stayed foggy pretty much all day. Cold too. I don't think it got much above minus three degrees, as low as minus eight in Hamilton at 0745hrs.
At least I didn't get threatened with being thrown off site today. There's always tomorrow I suppose.

I've just noticed that the date above the date in the title is yesterday's date and the date below this date, the date in the title, is today's date.
No idea what that is all about.
edit: the date has changed and is now correct. Ignore previous paragraph.............