Saturday, 31 July 2010

Saturday 31st July 2010

Not a lot happened yesterday, well not a lot apart from I was in court for sentencing.

The fourth time I have had to go and the fourth different solicitor I have had.

It really pisses me off that you pay all that money to them and they can't even be frigging arsed to give you the same bastard lawyer each time.

Still I knew what the verdict would be as I pleaded 'guilty', so I don't really know why I bothered going.

After waiting for four fucking months, I had to wait another two freaking hours for the three magistrates, stuck up rejected judges, to get their kicks by passing sentence.

Anyway, I did worry that the pretentious pricks may go on a real ego trip and send me to prison, however I was spared her majesty's pleasure and instead got 150 days, suspended, 200 hours community service and £ 400 pounds.

Friday night I went to a fancy burger joint.
Twelve fucking quid for a burger, chips and a coke.
Fuck me, I half wished I'd been frigging well sent down.......

Wednesday, 28 July 2010

Wednesday 28th July 2010

I'll be so glad when I win the lottery.
Trouble is, I've got to start doing it first.
When you're on £13k a year and have to pay extortionate rent on a pokey flat, plus maintenance for three crazy bitch wives and fuck knows how many kids, then the lottery ain't too high up on the agenda.

Why do so many people crash their cars?
I appreciate that if they didn't then I would probably be out of a job, but some people are so fucking stupid.

This one kid, sounded about 13 years old, claimed his BMW had been hit by a shopping trolley in a supermarket car park.
Said it happened late at night in the one in Southwell.
Like I know where the fuck that is, anyway, the prick ain't fooling me, I thought, the twat doesn't sound old enough to drive, let alone have a new beamer, so I googled it and bugger me, there ain't an all night supermarket in Southwell.
Was trying to claim his car was a write off.
By a bastard shopping trolley.

Fuck him, he's getting nothing.

Still haven't heard back from any of the agents I've rung, they don't know what they're missing.

Oh well, life stumbles on................

Tuesday, 27 July 2010

Tuesday 27th July

Sat at work today ringing around theatre agents trying to get a gig.

I'm not sure, but I think that having no previous acting experience may not be working in my favour.

Still, I'm not one to give up that easily.

Trevor was 'on' form today.
The prick couldn't wait to tell me about the number of interested girls he has on the dating site he goes on.
Sad bastard, I wish he would get kidnapped by some lunatic psycho woman who would hold him captive in her bathroom and only feed him boiled sweets.
Maybe that would shut the fucker up, but I doubt it.

Went for a walk in the park at lunchtime.
It's got a bit of a pond and a few ducks.
Poor fuckers have to dodge the used condoms, second hand syringes and empty beer cans.

Anyway, amongst all the flotsam, there were a couple of male ducks trying to shag a female.
Two on one.
I had to feel quite sorry for the poor bitch, well I would have done if she hadn't looked like she was enjoying it so much, making a laughing noise.
Freaking slut.

Got back to work and the boss has mailed saying that he wants to see me tomorrow.
That's something to look forward to.

Treated myself to a bus ride on the way home, what a fucking mistake.
Full of sweating, sinking tourists wasting time.
Cameras everywhere.
What is so special about a run down derelict industrial estate anyway?

Got home to find Avon & Somerset Police had sent me a little present in the post.
A nice £ 60 fine and three penalty points for the huge crime of driving at 36 mph.
I only went that bastard way to avoid some fucking roadworks.

Anyway, there's always dinner to look forward to, but I'm not having those home made pizzas again, I think the bread made me bad.............

Monday, 26 July 2010

Monday 26th July 2010

Last night I was in a leading brand of supermarket, and in the reduced section was a pack of 24 bread rolls for the knock down price of 25p, which I bought.
When I got home, I had a bit of a root around the cupboards, to see what I could knock up using the aforementioned rolls.

Well you wouldn't believe what I found, I didn't!!
At the back of the fridge, on the top shelf was some cheese.

Well I think it was cheese, it was a bit old and hard so it was like that fancy gorgonbazola stuff you get, but I'm pretty sure it started out in life as cheddar.

Anyway, in the bottom of the fridge were some squishy tomatoes. Being 'on the turn' they needed using up.
So I mashed up the tomatoes and spread them onto a couple of the stale bread rolls I had bought

On top of this I grated the cheddar / gorgostiltzola type cheese combo and added a couple of manky olives I found in the bottom of a jar languishing in their own juices.

Bunged it under the grill and voila! Thrifty Pizza.

I also rubbed an onion over another cut roll, and dabbed a bit of red sauce on top before grilling.

I've seen this on a Ramsey programme, Bruchetta I think he called it........................

Sunday, 25 July 2010

Sunday 25th July 2010

Didn't do much last night, stayed in and watched Jess lick herself.
She makes a lot of noise, not only when she licks herself but also when she sleeps.
If she ever wanted to know the reason why she's not allowed in the bedroom then that would probably be it.
That, and the fact that she smells.
If I had stairs then she wouldn't even be allowed up them.

Anyway, smelly and noisy she might be, but she loves me and in my own way I love her too.
Not in a sexual way of course, that would just be plain wrong.

We went out today, just a quick walk up to see my mum.

Took her out to get some fish and chips, she doesn't get out much and I sometimes feel a bit sorry for her, but she doesn't help her self.

The poor boy serving didn't know where to look when she started flashing her thigh from the seat of her mobility scooter.

The fucking thing ran out of juice on the way back to her sheltered accommodation so I had to push it and her up the bastard hill.
Fucked, I was, when we got to the top, but did she thank me?
Did she fuck, just complained that I hadn't bought her an ice cream.

Really exciting evening, tried to iron some shirts but they are more creased now than when they came out of the washing machine.

Going to think of a sure fire money maker, can't be that hard, not if that lanky twat Peter Jones can do it.............

Saturday 24th July 2010

Working on a Saturday, what a bunch of wank.

It's bad enough having to spend all week in the same office as these wankers but to have to do it on a Saturday as well just takes the piss.

Trevor, the bloke next to me was his usual anal self, telling me what a great night he had last night. He reckoned he went to the pub, got hammered and shagged Susie Wessex on the bandstand in the park.

He probably stayed at home with his mum and went to bed early for a wank, he couldn't pull a muscle, that pleb, and yes I do mean the mollusc type.

Had some right nutters on the phone this morning though, one woman claiming that she couldn't have been responsible for the accident as she didn't realise sheep were allowed to stand on the road that early on the morning.

During my coffee break, Trevor insisted on telling me, in great detail, of how he was going to get a shag that night.
I suppose that if all you have to chat up is your right hand (or left hand for all you weirdos out there) then it ain't too hard to score.

On the way home I stopped of at Lidl to get some shopping.
God, some right chavs use that shop.
I'm going to have to start using Aldi in future, even if it is twenty minutes further along the bus route.

Gotta start thinking about another job.
Another vocation.
A change of direction.

I don't want to answer stupid questions about car crashes and break-ins and fires and stolen electrical devises all my life.

I might take to the stage.............

Friday, 23 July 2010

Friday 23rd July 2010

Funny old day today.

Well it wasn't really, it wasn't even remotely funny.

It started as they usually do.....waiting.

I woke up at quarter to six and led there waiting for the alarm to go off. Just led there, waiting.
I didn't want it to go off but I didn't want to lie there and wait either. Nor did I want to get up, but I got bored so I dragged myself out of my pit and plodded to the bathroom.

Turn on the shower and wait for the water to warm up.
A shower is quite possibly one of the most effective ways of waking up.
I would imagine an ice bath is probably more effective, but I'm not prepared to try that.

Shower done; turn the basin taps on and wait for this water to warm up to have a shave.


I could have stayed in bed for longer, if I could've been bothered.

Kettle has to boil, more waiting.
At least there is some reward in the form of a cup of coffee.

Car then work.
Man driving a Lexus looks remarkably like a bad post-op trans gender casualty. Whatever one of those would look like.

Working in a taxi firm has it's perks, unfortunately I don't work in a taxi firm so I don't see any of them.
My good friend, Farrington Gurney, does though and he's always crowing on about them.
Get to work and wait for the computer to start up.

Jeez, it's only just eight o'clock and I've already waited for about an hour for various stuff.

Oh well, time to wait...............