Sunday, 27 March 2011
Had a great weekend this weekend, went to Somerset, saw my daughters and took them
Weather was good and we all had a good time. Meself and daughter #1 had burgers and chips for lunch, daughter #2 had chicken nuggets and chips (in a box). Not sure if it was the box, but daughter #2's chips were nicer than ours. They kept hotter, which was probably the box, but they were also crispier too. If that was the box then the box makers should patent it. Well they probably have, but not for chip crispiness. I wonder what they do patent it for? We couldn't find the Giant's Footprint, however we did see a photograph of a big pair of boots which was pinned half way up a tall tree. We thought this could be a bit of a clue, but we couldn't work it out.
The actual Castle was shut too, which was a bit of a bummer.
Anyhoo, picked up my Infinity Sauce on Friday afternoon. Didn't open it till I got to Somerset and then thought it was a bit late to start tasting chilli. So I only had a little bit. My first thoughts were, when I first took the cap off and smelled it, was that the overpowering smell was that of vinegar. Now I'm not a big fan of vinegar, in fact I really don't like it. I would go as far as to say that I hate it, but that may be a little harsh. Then I read the ingredients. "Vinegar, Lime Juice and Infinity Chilli". My heart sank a little as I thought it was going to be a hot vinegar sauce, but as I had just purchased two bottles of the stuff, the least I could do was to taste it.
'But it's too late' I told myself, it being half past ten on a Friday night and I had worked all day and then driven 250 miles.
So I tasted a little spoonful. I always start with a little spoonful as you can always have more, but it's very difficult to have less once it's gone in (ask Neal Phillipson, he knows).
Thankfully the taste is a lot better than the smell. it didn't seem too hot, considering that it is made with the one-time World's hottest chilli, but then I suppose that's because it diesn't have any extract in it. Well I presume it doesn't, as there is no mention of it on the label and it says it is 'pure'.
It has a nice taste, where the vinegar smell overpowers the chilli smell, the chilli flavour definitely takes precedence over the vinegar. I still haven't had a proper, full sized sweat my head off taster yet, I'll save that until tomorrow evening, but I have had it mixed with HP sauce that I had with my fry-up this morning, and that was pretty damn good, and I have just had some mixed in with a bit of Branston Pickle in a cheese sandwich, and that was fucking fantastic.
It has great favour and it has great heat. Not way too much heat, like some of the crazy ones like Ultra Death of 357 Silver Edition, but great heat and flavour balance like Pure Ghost and Pure Death.
I think this sauce is going to join my favourites list, I just need to marinade some prawns for the ultimate Seaton test.
Next stop is gonna be the Firemite sauce (chilli Marmite) and the Chilli Cheeseballs. They have great stuff on the website, see the link on the right of the page, up at the top. Right up there under the title.
Checked me mums Spy Camera in the birdbox today, the little bastards haven't bothered to build a nest in there yet. Bet they nest in every other fucking box except the one I put the freaking camera in.
I bought some lary socks the other day. A pack of five. They got eyes on them and are orange, green, pink, yellow and blue.
Satirical inelegance my Dad called them, I like that description.............
Thursday, 24 March 2011
I passed a Circus today, in Barnsley. It was in the middle of a field and it got me a-wondering, as these things do. When they erect their big top, do they just stick it up anywhere? Or do they do a proper job and plan it all out? Also, if it is a field that has had cows in it, do they pick all the cow shit up our do they just chuck it up on top of it all? I wouldn't want to be the poor pleb who has to wash the groundsheet. Mind you, I wouldn't want to be in the circus really.
I'm off to Somerset tomorrow, which is good. Off to see my daughters so I'm looking forward to that.
Anyhoo, as the phone battery is getting flat and High Plains Drifter is on the tele now, I'm off.............
Tuesday, 22 March 2011
I got my new car today, you know, the one I got after I got the first one.... oh fuck me I can't be bothered to go through the whole thing again, it was unremarkably funny the first time but you will have to go back a day or two to read it.
Go on, stop reading this, go back, look for it, read it and then come back to this.
I'll wait for you, I'll go for a tab whilst you are searching and reading and guffawing and shit.
I'm back, and the funny thing is, I really did go for a tab. It's like I really think you are reading this in real time, as I type it.
Anyhoo, back to topic, got my new car today and it amazes me. It's one of those ones that has a credit card sized key. A key that you don't actually have to do anything with, except keep it in your pocket. The key is in my pocket and I walk up to the locked car and pull the door handle and open the door. Sit in the car and press the 'start' button and then drive off. If it is dark then the lights turn themselves on. If it is raining then the windsceen wipers decide they will wipe the windscreen. The integral satnav tells me where I am going and the Bluetooth automatically stores my phone numbers.
I suppose some of you will think that this is all old hat now, but I think it's pretty good. Shame I have to change gear really, but at least there are six of them to choose from, plus reverse, so I have plenty to choose from. To top it all off, it does about sixty to the gallon and only costs £30 a year to tax. Happy days.
Lost the dog's ball tonight. She's a bitch, before you have any fnarr fnarr thoughts, and I mean her rubber ball. I blame the grass, it was the wrong colour green. The ball was (and still is, I would imagine) yellow so it should have shown up, even if it was getting dark, but it went. Couldn't find it, but she found a plastic bottle so all was well in the world.
Talking of colours, is the ball still yellow? It could be a bit like the 'if a tree falls in a forest and there is no one there to hear it' debate, if you lose a yellow ball in the grass, is it still yellow? That could start a huge debate. A massive debate. A massive debate involving hundreds of people. I love a mass debate every now and then, especially with lots of people.
The more the merrier............
Monday, 21 March 2011
I had to go to a Land Rover garage today and fuck me they have a few quids worth of stock in there. There was a very nice Overfinch Range Rover Sport, in black, that had my name written all over it.
Do you know anyone who is very clever, very good at what they do, but has absolutely no common sense and is a bit fucking stupid?
I do, I know several. I have just met one recently and am now having to deal with him on a daily basis.
I've just been on the Range Rover website and 'built' my own Range Rover. An Autobiography. Cost me a cool £99,850. Not bad. I can't decide on the colour, blue or black. I'll probably buy two.
Having to do stuff over and over again, because the stupid clever person with no sense can't make up his mind, or doesn't know how to.
Anyhoo, that's it, rant over.
Tomorrow I pick up my new car. My real one. The one that I got after getting the first one. The first one being the one I was going to get and paid a deposit on and then decided not to get. Oh well, I made the right choice.
Plenty more to do tomorrow.............
Sunday, 20 March 2011
Sunday is traditionally a day of rest in many countries of the world, not in most Muslim countries however, and Israel, where Sunday is a working day, but more and more people seem to work on this 'Day of Rest'. In fact, on my journey to Hertfordshire today I saw numerous lorries whose drivers were presumably working, and there were all sorts of people working in the Service Staions I stopped in. Which is a good thing, as I needed a shit and if nobody had been working then I may have had to have gone in a field, like a dog. Also, I would have to have gone without coffee and my sons would have had to have gone without food, as there were (thankfully) people working in the cafe.
Thank God not everyone goes to church, that's what I say.
Did you know that every month that begins on a Sunday has a Friday 13th in it?
Obvious really, if you think about it.
Except February, in a leap year, as that has an extra day which isn't always a Sunday therefore the Friday isn't always the 13th even if the 1st is (a Sunday, that is).
Only joking, of course it is, always.
No century in the Gregorian calendar starts on a Sunday, whether its first year is '00 or '01 apparently but I'm not sure I believe that one. I'll have to go and check. Sounds a bit too far fetched.
But is Sunday the first day of the week?
In the Judaeo-Christian and Islamic traditions, Sunday has been considered as the first day of the week. As a result, a number of languages appear to reflect Sunday's status as the first day of the week. In Greek, Vietnamese, Portuguese, Maltese and Armenian languages the working days of the week (Monday, Tuesday etc) are translated as 'the second day', 'the third day' etc however Slavic languages implicitly number Monday as day number one, not two and in many European countries calendars almost always now show Monday as the first day of the week.
Why even the international standard ISO 8601 for Representation of dates and times states that Monday is the first day of the week. But what do they know, and why do we have an International Standard for dates and times for fuck's sake?
Anyhoo, I got really muddy today with my son's and I had a great time, rest or no rest.............
Saturday, 19 March 2011
I was in Frankie & Benny's at lunchtime today, enjoying a very nice Californian pizza when a family of four came in. Bit strange they were. The two kids were ok, but the mum and dad, and I'm only guessing that they were the mum and dad, were freaky. They were the spitting image of each other. They could have been fucking twins, and they probably were. They looked the same, had the same haircut, even had the same style of glasses.
Now, either they were brother and sister or they were attracted to each other because they looked liked themselves. Either way, it's a bit freaking freaky.
I am writing this on my phone and I have just found out that it doesn't automatically appear on my computer for editing. Thought it would somehow. I'll have to post and see if I can edit once it's published.............
That's pretty cool. The post above was written and published from my phone and now I am writing on my laptop.
That's a bit of minor setback. There is a couple in Grantham, the Woods, who grow the current (I think) hottest chilli in the world. The Infinity chilli. There's Nick (Woody), there on the left, or above, depending on where this writing ends up. Nice couple, not that I know them, but I emailed them and they replied and seemed nice. Their company, Firefoods (www.firefoods.co.uk) sell Infinity chilli sauce as well as other good looking stuff. Don't think they sell the actual chilis though, which is a shame. I am going to finish this blog and then order some cause I just have to get some. I tell you what, I'll order some, try it and then post a review at a later date.
Good news, my 16 million scoville capsaicin crystals were delivered today. I must take a photo.
Now the big question is, do I just keep then as a showpiece or do I try them out?
Problem is, they have to be dissolved in a spirit based drink, like vodka. Now I love vodka, but I don't drink anymore so it could be a bit of a problem. Unless I convince myself that it is just an ingredient in a cooking experiment, or a scientific experiment.
16 million scovilles, that's spicy baby. If I try it, it may cause me unrepairable harm.
I'm trying to convince myslef that I don't know what I am going to do, but I think I do.
I have just had a horrible thought.
It's Saturday night, I am all on my lonesome and what am I doing?
Writing a fucking blog to no one in particular.
I really must get out more and make some friends. Some real ones.
Life's great, aint it.............
Friday, 18 March 2011
I've done OK this week, all things considered. I heard something on the radio the other day that got me wondering. Who would win between a Hippo and a Rhino?
Rio Ferdinand is an ugly fuckpig. Keira Knightly isn't.
I reckon it would be the Hippo, but then again I thought the lion would win against a Tiger, and I still do.
The Smithy sketch is great.
All the money is on the Tiger, but I think they are just a breed of drug pushers who dope the Lions up before the attack them.
I've not written much recently. Ironic really, because the reason I've not written is that I have been doing too much. You would have thought that if I was doing lots of stuff then I would have lots of stuff to write about. But I've not. I've been doing lots of stuff and not writing.
I'm off for a tab.
Anyhoo, I'm back. Liz bought some cakes from someone who works where she works. Not herself, someone else. They were to raise money for Comic Relief and they were little chocolate cakes with fake cherries on the top. A bit like nipples. She bought them with her hard earned wages and I'm eating one now. So I feel like I'm doing my bit for charity.
Ironic really, selling cakes to raise money for starving children. Why not just send them over there to them. Save all the third party trading.
Monday, 14 March 2011
Manic Monday, (Tell Me Why) I Don't Like Mondays and many others (I would imagine) have been written about Mondays and usually I would agree with them. But not today. Today I have had a good day. But I won't bang on about it. I'll not bore you with me crowing on about how today was the first proper day of my new business. The first day I have actually worked a full day as Ambient Precast Ltd. I won't bore you with all that because it would probably bore you.
Whilst walking the beautiful Jess this evening I noticed that there were quite a few children playing in the park. Eric Idle wasn't there, the lazy git, but Jess was very interested in their cheap footballs. I'm glad that the kids around here have cheap footballs as that way if Jezebel eats wrecks any of them, as is usually her wont, then it won't cost very much to replace them. Not unless she goes on a marathon cheap football wrecking spree, then it will all add up and may very well get on top of me. Especially if I fall over.
Eric Idle was here once. Well not here, in my house, but here in the village. He was here to open the 'new and improved' local park. Trouble was, it started to rain and most people forgot to turn up. Good old Eric though, he started to sing his song, you know the one he is famous for, but gave up after the first three lines as he was getting drowned out by the pack of rabid looking howling dogs that surrounded him. He almost got drowned by the raging ravine that runs alongside the woods when he stumbled when running for the last (and only) bus home. Good old Eric, what have the Romans ever done for us eh?
It could be a good end to the day too. Norwich are winning 1-0. Not that I'm a Norwich fan or owt, but they are playing Bristol Sh!tty.
Sunday, 13 March 2011
Took my dog, Jezebel, to the woods around the corner this morning. Thought it would make a change from the field that she normally gets taken to. There we were, in a wood which naturally has loads of sticks lying around, and dogs love stick right, and she goes and finds an empty plastic bottle to play with.
I see my mate Skoob hasn't written his blog for a while, dunno why, it's not like he has anything better to do! Hopefully he will read this and pull his finger out and write another posting. It'll probably be about socks or goldfish or maybe sock wearing goldfish or something, but it will be good reading.
So it's a Sunday, I would say that I have had a lazy day but that's not strictly true. It's just that I haven't done anything that you would find interesting. Well not unless you find vacuuming and dog walking and spreadsheet writing interesting. And if you do, if you really get a rush from such things, then GET THE FUCK OFF MY BLOG, YOU FREAKY FREAK.
My new computer has a webcam built in, did I say that before? Well it has and when I bought it I thought it would be great. I thought it would be fun to talk to people and be able to see them at the same time. But I don't know anyone else who has one and I don't really know how to use it. Someone told me that I could use the MSN messenger thingy, but I only have one 'friend' on there and that's my daughter, who lives in the South-West with her mother (ex-wife #1, the non-psycho one) and I'm not even sure if she has a webcam.
So, if you are reading this and you have a webcam and you like talking complete and utter shite, then let me know. You will have to tell how to use the frigging thing as well, but we could have interesting debates on stuff like 'Who would win in a fight, a man with one leg or a man with one arm.'
The old Lion v Tiger thing came up again the other day. In Turkey, a Tiger broke through a fence and killed a Lion. I think the Lion was drugged by the Tiger whilst it was sleeping.............
Saturday, 12 March 2011
Who the fuck are James and Charlie, and who the fuck is Russell Kane?
It's a bit of a conundrum methinks. Katie Price was on there too. I quite like Katie Price occasionally, she was very self-depreciative tonight, taking the piss out of herself so fair play to her. I hear she is divorced again. Is she trying to be the modern day Liz Taylor or Zsa Zsa Gabor or what?
I see Babs Windsor is doing well since leaving the fairmly show, Eastenders innit. She is still hanging on in there, acting her little heart out on her bingo adverts. Bless. She even gets to put a cake into someone's face in the latest ad. Presumably that has something to do with Comic Relief too. I don't know, I wasn't paying attention.
My Dad hates the adverts so much that he turns the sound down. Even if he is leaving the room.
Anyhoo, I managed to buy a new laptop today. Got one of those little netbook things. It's really good, got a webcam and everything. The plan was to get a proper sized laptop as soon as a couple of cheques went through, but I may just get a monitor and keyboard and docking station and stick with this one. Or maybe I'll do both, who knows.
I sent an email around last week, from my new Ambient Precast email address (which has the logo at the bottom and the email address has the word 'ambientprecast' in it), to let everyone know what my new contact details were and I was surprised (although I don't know why) when one person asked me where I was going and two people asked my what my email address was going to be. I had stated my phone number, you see, but not my email address as I was sending the email from the email address and in order to ask me what my email address was they sent a reply to the email address that they were asking about.
So I have the office, I have the laptop, I have the work. All I need to sort out now is the car.
Good job my office is at home and I only have to walk across the landing from my bedroom to get there.............
Wednesday, 9 March 2011
It's been a hectic week, but hump day is nearly over and we are rolling on towards the weekend.
The boiler went out today. Probably because I forgot to fill it with coal this morning, but I shouldn't blame myself. Trouble was, the fucking thing took ages to light and I ran out of firelighters. A quick dash down to the shop by Liz and a new, full box appeared. I then decided to go for 'overkill' and use half the box to ensure the bastard thing lit.
It lit alright, but now the whole friggin house stinks of firelighters. It aint a pleasant smell, I can tell you.
The shitty team from South Bristol annouced today that their chairman was standing down. Now this chairman is the moneyman in this 29 year old club and so I thought that when he departed he would take his cash with him. But alas and alack, he also announced that whilst he was standing down as chairman, to allow him to spend more time in his Guernsey tax haven, he would still bankroll the club. This means that there aint really any change, as far as anyone outside the club is concerned.
The picture, by the way, is of the better club in Bristol. The one with a longer, cleaner more honest history and one where all the players have only four fingers and a thumb on each hand.
Oh, and non-webbed feet,
Anyhoo, gotta lot to do tonight so I'd better get on.............
Sunday, 6 March 2011
Cleaned my car today. Inside and out. Well, as usual, I'm lying about the outside, I didn't do it, the nice Lithuanians or Poles or whatever they are down at Spongebobs did it. There was a bit of a queue today, must have been the sun. Anyhoo, I did the inside. Hoovered it and everything. Washed the dashboard, cleaned the upholstery, the lot. I wouldn't say it was in 'showroom condition' but it's cleaner than it has been for a long while. Only took me about four hours too. Didn't get all the dog hairs out of the boot, but you can't have everything.
Hopefully, I'll get my new car this week. If I don't then I'm pretty fucked. I also need to get a laptop. I have one on order, but I don't think it has fallen off the back of the lorry yet so I may not get it in time. That'll be a bit of a fucker, no car and no laptop. Not only will I not be able to drive anywhere to work but I'll not be able to do any work when I don't get there.
Making pizza for dinner. Not going to be a stupid one though, I have to be in Belper tomorrow and have an all day meeting so lots of chilli sauce tonight aint a very bright idea. Not had pizza in a long while, not since the last time, suprisingly, and that wasn't pretty.
Man Utd got beat by the scousers today, that was a bit shit. Not a big fan of Man U but I'm not an even bigger fan of the scousers, if you know what I mean. I was quite surprised by my next door neighbour though, he's a massive Man U fan, even named his son after one of the players. Got four dogs, all got Man U related names. Man U tattoos all over too. Didn't hear him throwing stuff around the house or shouting in disgust this afternoon. Bet he's none too happy though, scousers and chavski in the same week, not such happy days for some.
Right, off to make the pizza. If you know where I can get a cheap laptop, let me know. I aint bothered if it's knock off, just as long as it's new, decent and works.............
Friday, 4 March 2011
I now have a week left at work, plus tomorrow as I am working in the morning. Feel sorry for me cause I deserve it.
Another reason for not having too much to write about is the fact that I have just written the latest addition in my series of cookery books. You can read it in the previous post, just follow the link and don't forget to rate it. The thingies are just down the bottom, and you don't need to register to rate.
Got to clean my car out this weekend too. It goes back on Friday and it has three years of child rubbish and dog hairs, not to mention the tobacco and ash and general litter that is in there. Not done too bad though, in the last three years, 122,000 miles, eight sets of tyres, three headlamp bulb changes (you would think they would both go at the same time wouldn't you, they are used the same), four replacement gaskets and fuck knows how much petrol.
Still, time to move on. Still not winding down. Oh well.
Just watching 'Shameless', it's crap.............
Wednesday, 2 March 2011
Been quite an eventful day all in all. I was sitting at my desk in the office, and this is an open plan office shared by six blokes. The company makes Precast Concrete, so we are obviously all rufty-tufty construction type manly men. So guess what the conversation was (NOT by me, I hasten to add)? It was about fucking Emmerdale Farm.
Emmerdale bastard Farm, I mean, come on. What a load of shite. They will be talking about manbags and guyliner next. Fuckmegently, what a bunch of QSs, no wonder this country is in such a state.
Now the Ultra Death is mine, and I thought this was a scary fucking sauce, but I tried a dollop of the Mad Dog and, fuck me, does that stuff blow you away. Blairs first, alot of heat, followed by Mad Dog. At first there was nothing, just the remnants of the Ultra Death lingering in my throat and on the end of my tongue. Then, all of a sudden, there was an almighty fucking explosion and I had fountains of sweat coming out of my head.
Milk was a must.
Not many colleagues were prepared to taste any of the array of bottles of molten lava, but one man did.
And my god did he feel it.
He put quite a lot of the stuff onto the oatcake.
One of the Emmerdale loving QSs was heard to say "I'm washing my hands of THIS one".
I told him he had too much.
He ate half of it and then looked around, as if to say "What's all the fuss about, this aint so bad."
And then it hit him.
He jumped up, glasses came off, gasping for breath, eyes bulging.
When asked if was OK he merely shook his head, grasping the table, struggling to breath in or out.
His head was red, very red. He looked very very ill.
I gave him some milk and watched as he sort of got his breath back and looked like he was going to throw up.
I really didn't know whether to laugh and say 'Well I fucking told you so, you stupid twat,' or feel sorry for him. So I laughed inwardly.
I had Fajitas for tea. More sauce. Stomach feels it now and arse is a bit sore.
Tuesday, 1 March 2011
Fuck the football, it's all bollocks. I had a four-fold accumulator on Man U to beat Chavski, Nottingham Forest to beat Middlesborough, Everton to beat Reading and Colchester to beat Bristol Rovers. It was only Rovers that didn't let me down, good old Rovers, the Mighty Gas. They may be shit, but at least they are consistently shit. Fuck me, I was going to put Reading down to boost my odds, but I thought I would stick with Everton as they were the safer bet. Obviously fucking not.
Also had Torres down to score. At any time. AT ANY TIME TORRES YOU FREAKING WASTE OF SPACE
Apparently Abramovich phoned Daglish only to be told that refunds could not be given for goods sold in the January sales. What a waste of money.
Wednesday tomorrow. Hump day.
Got another coat of paint on the office walls tonight. Should do the trick, then it's just the gloss. Gawd, I'd forgotten how much I hate bastard painting. Got paint all over the floor. Luckily it's laminate so it should come off quite easily. I had a friend once who painted their bedroom and rather than tip the painty water down the plughole and risk blocking it up they thought they would throw it out of the window. Trouble was, they forgot they had a glass roofed conservatory right below the bathroom window.
Another friend decided to decorate his room whilst his parents were away on holiday. He stepped on the gloss paint lid and then trod it in the carpet all along the hall, down the stairs, through the kitchen and to the back door. Thick twat didn't think to hop did he??
Saw a paint kettle in B&Q the other day. Would be much better in a slow cooker I reckon. Would get a better texture. I wonder how long you have to leave it to cool down before you can apply it.
Talking about slow cookers, further to my previous posts about slow cooked recipes, I have thought of another one.
I bought some duck eggs at the weekend and it got me thinking.
If I use my specially adapted super-slow-cook slow cooker, the one that I use for perpetual roast chicken, I could place a freshly laid duck egg in there with an orange pip or two. Cook for a few months, transferring to the washing machine (which is constantly in constant use) at an appropriate time to achieve the required mixing, and have the perfect fresh super slow-cooked Duck a l'Orange.
I would have to modify another slow cooker though, as the Perpetual Roast Chicken is still going.
Oh, and by the way, if you haven't read my posts about the slow cooking recipes then SHAME ON YOU.
Get yer arse over there now and read the fecking things. And no, I don't know which day wrote them on, you'll just have to read them all.............