I put a spell on you.....
I got my new car today, you know, the one I got after I got the first one.... oh fuck me I can't be bothered to go through the whole thing again, it was unremarkably funny the first time but you will have to go back a day or two to read it.
Go on, stop reading this, go back, look for it, read it and then come back to this.
I'll wait for you, I'll go for a tab whilst you are searching and reading and guffawing and shit.
I'm back, and the funny thing is, I really did go for a tab. It's like I really think you are reading this in real time, as I type it.
Anyhoo, back to topic, got my new car today and it amazes me. It's one of those ones that has a credit card sized key. A key that you don't actually have to do anything with, except keep it in your pocket. The key is in my pocket and I walk up to the locked car and pull the door handle and open the door. Sit in the car and press the 'start' button and then drive off. If it is dark then the lights turn themselves on. If it is raining then the windsceen wipers decide they will wipe the windscreen. The integral satnav tells me where I am going and the Bluetooth automatically stores my phone numbers.
I suppose some of you will think that this is all old hat now, but I think it's pretty good. Shame I have to change gear really, but at least there are six of them to choose from, plus reverse, so I have plenty to choose from. To top it all off, it does about sixty to the gallon and only costs £30 a year to tax. Happy days.
Lost the dog's ball tonight. She's a bitch, before you have any fnarr fnarr thoughts, and I mean her rubber ball. I blame the grass, it was the wrong colour green. The ball was (and still is, I would imagine) yellow so it should have shown up, even if it was getting dark, but it went. Couldn't find it, but she found a plastic bottle so all was well in the world.
Talking of colours, is the ball still yellow? It could be a bit like the 'if a tree falls in a forest and there is no one there to hear it' debate, if you lose a yellow ball in the grass, is it still yellow? That could start a huge debate. A massive debate. A massive debate involving hundreds of people. I love a mass debate every now and then, especially with lots of people.
The more the merrier............