Tuesday 31st August 2010

I was in Somerset at the weekend and I saw a sign for 'Pig & Donkey Races'.
Now if that wasn't bizarre enough, these races were being held on every Tuesday between July 27th and August 31th.

Yep, that's right, the 31th of August.

I had to get a running machine treadmill thing from my car into my house tonight.
It doesn't matter which door I use, I have three steps to climb to get in.
Fuck me those things are heavy.
Anyway, struggle to get it up to the front door and the bastard thing won't fit through the door.
Drag it down the drive, across the back garden, up the three steps onto the patio, across the patio and then have a game of fucking twister with it to get it through the back door.

I bet the fucking thing won't work now, all that lumping around.
Fuck it, I don't want to use it anyway, it's too much like hard work.

Sun was out today, I was stuck in a tin box.
One of those thief proof porta cabins.
Who'd want to nick one of those fuckers anyway?
They ain't the prettiest.
Would look a bit cuntish at the bottom of your garden.

Unless you were a green metal box collector.
You'd think it was a bit of a prize then.
Your own big bit of green.

Why have treadmill walking machines anyway?
Go for a walk, get a bit of fresh air.
Suppose the risk of being mugged is lessened in your own house.
Depending on where you live of course.
Or you get mugged off buying the pissing thing in the first place.

I didn't.
At least I don't think so.
I guess I'll find out if the poxy thing doesn't work.
If I ever use it.

I may just use it to walk the dog. Let her loose on it during the day when I'm not here.
It would stop her getting bored and licking her private parts.
Well, stop her getting bored anyway.

She may not like the noise. I may have to get special doggy ear muffs.
I wonder if you can get them?
I bet you can.
On t'interweb.