A funny thing happened to me today.
I took my dog out for a walk, we went to the local field and had a rare old time, me throwing the ball and the dog fetching it back for me to throw again.
The dog did it's business and me, being the responsible dog owner I am, bagged it and binned it.
Once we had enough we headed home and I fed the tired mutt
It was only when I had settled down in front of the tele that I realised that I don't actually own a dog.
Ants use alarm clocks.
I'm sure of it.
I walked out of my kitchen today at half past four and went upstairs to do what everyone does at half past four on a Sunday, tuned the television.
Why do teles need tuning at half past for every Sunday?
I don't know, but anyway, I digress.
When I came back downstairs there were about fifty thousand ants in my kitchen.
They were crawling around the floor but there were the flying ones too.
Now I fucking hate ants, so I got out my cigarette lighter and burnt the bastards.
They didn't like that, not one little bit.
Anyway, back to the point, why did they all come out at half past four?
Just as I was tuning the tele!
Perhaps they knew.
I made a mean one tonight.
But I didn't put any prawns in it.
Not even one........