Friday, 8 April 2011

Friday 8th April 2011

I'm your number one fan.

Went to Belper today, that was fun. Have you ever been to Belper? If you haven't then you aint exactly missing much. I'm sure I even saw a
person with the correct number of fingers, but only on one hand. I couldn't see the fingers on the other hand as he was holding his sister's hand at the time. And his mother's hand. Janet, her name probably was, don't ask me why cause I don't know, I've only been there three times and I don't know everyone's name.

Still the sun was out. The ducks were loving it, floating around in the shit and rubbish infested river type thing. I don't actually know if there is any shit in it, but there might be.

The office I was in was on the third floor of a derelict looking building. A big one, right in
the middle of the town. You probably know it if you have ever been through Belper. Anyhoo, there was a security guard on the door. To stop you nicking bricks out of the wall I presume. Funny thing was, when I got there this morning he opened the door for me and said 'hello' and that was it. I just walked on in. Could have been anyone going anywhere to do anything. Some security guard. Nice enough bloke though, never seemed to mind when I kept disturbing his TV watching to let me in each time I went for a cigarette. I didn't disturb him when he was doing his prayers. Thought it probably wouldn't be the done thing.

I was told I should write more blogs too. IT AINT FUCKING EASY YOU KNOW!!!
You know who you are, this is hard work you know, thinking up interesting and witty things to write about.
Anyways, I think I have a new fan. One who has a baby with perfectly formed feet. And hands. And a huge dummy. And a bright green bogey.

Fuck me, she's got Eastenders on. Not my new found fan but Liz. Although new found fan might do too, I'll have to ask sometime, if I remember. What a crock of shit.
Some spawny looking twat is getting married and some in the crowd are saying how wrong it is and the rest are clapping and looking forward to a piss-up. The groom's mother looks like her face has been blown inside out. Someone else got married too, to an oriental looking bird. Looks a bit dodgy to me.
Fuck me twice. Again. It aint even s'tenders, it's Corrie. I thought the accents were all wrong. It's still shite though.

On the way back from Belper there was a slight traffic jam on the A38. I was about 2 miles away from the M1 when I hit traffic. Well not 'hit', but you know what I mean. I was stuck there for ages and when I got to the roundabout the fucking sliproad was shut. Fuck me lightly, some prick had only gone and crashed his bastard car into a sign so not only did they have to move the car but they had to fix the sign as well. Hope the fucker was hurt. No, I don't mean hurt, I mean injured. No I don't, I mean I hope their pride was dented. Or something like that, the bastard.

So anyway,I had to go about 4000 miles out my way, got home about two hours later than I should have done. Still, it was nice and cool in my black car. Fuck knows how women in Burkas cope.............

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