Sunday 29th May 2011

There's a hole in my bucket.

Just watched the Monaco Grand Prix. Bit of an anti-climax that one really. Was shaping up to be the best Monaco race I've seen in a long while with Vettel leading, that Spanish twat in second and Somerset boy Jenson Button in third, but Vettel having tyres on that were 400 laps old, Smug Spaniard's not much better and Jenson in pretty good shape.

Then Sutil had to go and ruin everything. The prick caused a crash that put out the safety car. Then Petrov decided he couldn't get out of his car cause he had a bit of backache so they decided to bring out the red flags with six laps to go.

THEN, some wanker decided that they could change tyres during this stoppage period, so Vettel got a clear (and unfair) advantage and won the race.

I've just cut up a Pineapple. And do you know why they are called Pineapples? Because of their resemblance (in looks) to Pine Cones. And in 1398 that's what the reproductive organs of Pine Trees (pine cones, for you slower ones) were called. Pineapples.
Just think if all reproductive organs were called apples.

Manapples. This term would have to mean the bollocks (as the sperm carrier) as the dick looks nothing like an apple. But then neither does a Pine Cone I suppose. Anyhoo, the balls could be Manapples and the dick could be a Manbanana, or maybe Manana.
Apple bobbing would take on a whole new meaning.

Apple and Cherry Pie would be good too. You could cook it on a first date and declare to the girl you are trying to impress (instead of 'impress' read 'bed') that she could have your apples if you could take her cherry.

I'm going to give up gambling. I lose far more than I win. I told Liz this and she bet I couldn't do it. I took that bet.

I've just gotz a message on Twatter that starts 'I know you think this is a scam, but it's not' and then gives a link. That'll be a scam then.............