Monday, 30 May 2011

Monday 30th May 2011

Hello Beastie...

Have you ever wondered how words were invented? They obviously evolved from the
caveman, who started out in life just grunting at each other, but did they have to start speaking properly because someone once wanted something that they couldn't cover with a grunt. Or a series of grunts. If this was the case, what could it have been that they needed so much that they had to create a whole new language? I mean, if they weren't happy with the way that their eggs were cooked then they could have just thrown them across the room with a series of angry grunts. Maybe it was something like a new car. The choice of colour would be ok, they could just take something of the same colour to the showroom and point, first to the object and then to the car. I suppose they may have to speak if the colour wasn't quite right, but that's highly unlikely as the excitement of buying a car would probably negate the disappointment of not having the exact shade of blue that was wanted.

I would think that people in the car factory would have a greater need to speak, to discuss matters of Health and Safety at the weekly meetings, but I suppose Health and Safety wasn't as big back then, so probably not. If they needed anything they would more than likely just go and get it, so it wouldn't be that either.

Words like 'do' probably just evolved naturally from a grunt like 'du', as did lots of the basic words. But what about words like circumbilivagination? It means 'to walk in a circle or walk around' so it could've had some relevance back in the caveman day. "Ug muh eg ug circumbilivagination" may have been quite a common phrase back then, who knows?

But there are shorter words that baffle too. Sex. Who thought to themselves, 'I know, I'm going to call the act of procreation a different word and that word is going to' But then again, who was it that first realised the correct way to reproduce. Picture the scene, Mr Caveman comes home from a hard day out slaughtering huge animals for food, fur and fuel. He has just stopped outside the cave for a piss and is sitting in his cave watching Mrs Caveman bent over the fire rustling up a tasty evening meal.

What on earth would make Mr Caveman think, 'I know, I'm going to get the thing that I have just used to rid my body of my waste liquid and I am going to put it inside Mrs C. I'm not quite sure where to put it, but as it is the thing that my waste liquid comes out of, I'll stick it in the hole that her waste comes out of. But she has two holes, which one should I stick it in? I know, I'll spin this bone and see which way it lands.'

Imagine the look on Mrs C's face when he stuck his Manana (see yesterday's post) in her,
right up to the maker's label, and than started thrusting in and out!!! Maybe that's how language was invented. Mrs C shouting out "You filthy bastard, piss off I've got a headache."
But, of course, Mr C wouldn't have understood what she was saying.
Imagine how freaked out they must have been nine months later when she went for a pee and little baby Caveman popped out.

Moving on, how did the happy Caveman family realise that they could feed their baby by offering it one of Mrs Caveman's tits? And did they try with Mr Caveman's tits as well? And did Mr Caveman have a go on Mrs Caveman? I bet he did.

Anyhoo, the speech thing may have evolved from grunts and groans, but why do we have different languages.............?

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