Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Wednesday 31st August 2011

With Easter eggs in January and Christmas lights in June, anything that's barely over's coming back real soon.

Back to the A1 and I had to endure more slow moving traffic. This time it was the Army.
Loads of them too; Landrovers, trucks with guns, Troop carriers and the like. No fucker was going to argue with THEM so we all filed by nice and sedately. They do a good job, but I did wonder where they were going, as they headed South down the A1. Did they know something I didn't? (they probably know loads of stuff I don't, but that's another story).
Why do they always have their headlights on though? All camouflaged and stuff so you can't see them and then they go and light themselves up nice and bright and give the game away. Silly fuckers, it's no wonder our soldiers have to be so good, they never have the element of surprise.

Anyhoo, about ten miles down the road I passed a whole heap of Police riot vans heading North. 'You've got no chance', I thought, the soldier boys are a lot bastard harder than you lot so if your going up there all lairy like and looking for a scuffle then I wouldn't bother, you'll get your collective asses whuped.

What's the collective noun for asses? Not that I really need to know, but I may want to used it for some strange reason in the future.
Everyone knows a flock of Sheep, or a colony of Penguins (thanks to one of the Attenboroughs, can't remember which), and even a parliament of Owls (or Rooks) but what about Peacocks or Ravens? What about Leopards or Weasels? Jellyfish? Iguanas? Pedlars, Deans or Hermits?

Fuck me collectively, I'm boring meslef now so I really pity you lot!

Driving along Dearne Valley Parkway I noticed a few benches dotted alongside the road. Now this aint a quiet country lane, this is a proper busy one. Cars often scream along
three abreast. Now why the fuck would you want to put benches in this sort of location? And, more to the point, why would someone want to sit on them? I did think at first that it may be for the elderly, but then I came to my senses. Why would old folk want to walk along this sort of road when they can get free bus travel? If they walked along the road they may get sucked right off the pavement into the path of a fast moving articulated lorry and squashed and mangled and killed and stuff.

Driving up the M1, heading North, I saw another load of Army vehicles heading South. Reinforcements for the A1 convoy I suppose, doing a delayed pincer movement them probably.

Muster, unkindness, leap, sneak, stuck, mess, malapertness, decanter and observants.............

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