Tuesday, 30 August 2011

Tuesday 30th August 2011

Mirror in the bathroom please talk free, the door is locked just you and me.

Now I've got nothing against farmers, quite on the contrary as I think they do a fairly reasonable job what with all the animals they grow
to provide us with food and drink and stuff, but when they drive their tractors down the A1 at thirteen minutes past eleven, when I am trying to get to a meeting, then they really fuck me off.
At 1113hrs, shouldn't they be secretly spraying crops with insecticide or putting up scarecrows or something, not driving down the A1 at 15mph causing road rage and high blood pressure.

And before you say it, I appreciate that Farmer Brown has to get from one field to another, or one farm to another, but why does he have to go down the A1? It's not like he has to stick to the roads, is it? He has the best 4x4 going, I mean how often do you see a tractor stuck in the mud? Never, that's when. It's tractors that pull stupid saps like me out of the mud, but their aint no mud on the A1 Farmer Brown.
And which way did they go before the A1 was invented? Not down the A1, that's for sure. They probably went across fields that are now full of Rape Seed or Corn on the Cob or something.

Oh well, I got there in the end so no harm done.

There was a story on the radio today, probably on the Jeremy Vine show but I didn't hear
it on there as I was in my meeting (sorry Jeremy, I know you read this) but it's the sort of thing he would debate most excellently, about how women live longer than men. It's all to do with how we sleep, apparently. Someone somewhere, probably in a back street school in Sweden, has done some scientific research into how men don't sleep as well as women. Men are more stressed, you see, and they cannot turn their brains off at night. Women, on the other hand, have very little to be stressed about and therefore sleep more soundly.
Sounds like the sort of research that Professor Norton Folgate would carry out, but no, not this time.

And it makes sense I suppose, if you think about it logically (women, look away now).
Men have all the stressful high powered jobs whilst women are used to gentler tasks, like needlework, cookery and taking tea with the ladies.
Men, meanwhile, have to go out into the world and be the providers, the hunters and the gatherers and it's a dangerous world, let me tell you. It's a world full of farmers driving along busy main roads at 15mph. Now THAT'S stressful.

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