Tuesday, 15 May 2012

Tuesday 15th May 2012.

And you, you can be mean. And I, I'll drink all the time.............

Jesus Wept, what the fuckity fuck is going on?
Ok, I know I haven't written anything for some time, 2nd December 2011 to be precise, and that means this is the first this year, but what the fuckity fuck is happening?

Shit, I have to choose what font I write in now.
The whole bastard set up of my blog writing experience has changed.
I don't like this pissing font.

Now I have to write something, just to see if I like the look of it.

Think I'll stick with this one, for now. Trebuchet, that's what it is called. Who the fuck thinks up these names? (apologies Mr Trebuchet, if you named it after yourslef, but with a name like that I wouldn't have bothered).

I was going to tell you about my car and it's magic powers but this shit has sort of thrown me so I am going to go for a tab.

Now don't fuck off anywhere cause I won't be gone long.............

Right, I'm back. That took a little longer than I anticipated (and for that I apologise) but I had to have a poo.

So I was unemployed there for a bit so I had very little time for writing.

Well, that's a load of shit, cause I had all the time in the world for writing, I just wasn't doing anything worth writing about, not that that normally stops me, I know, but I just didn't write OK, get over it.

And I wasn't technically unemployed, as I have a business and therefore employ myself, but I didn't have any work and therefore didn't have any money to pay myself. There was a time when I was tempted to make myself redundant, but I felt a bit bad about that and couldn't bring myself to do it.

Feed me.............
Anyhoo, I have a job again now, so everything is OK.
The biggest issue with my new job is that the office is 150 miles away from my home, so I am staying with my parents until I sort something out.

Paint the picture in your head. You are 42 years old and moving back in with your parents. It aint a classic watercolour is it? More like a Warhol or something.

So I am living in the South during the week and in the North at weekends. And who said it was grim up North? Whoever it was was a fucking liar! There has been snow in Stafford today and hail in Somerset. I bet the weather up North hasn't been so bad. I would blame it on Global Warming but it aint exactly warm is it? It's supposed to be fecking spring.

So, back to my new job and my car with magic powers. The car is an Estate, so it's a pretty big fucker, but the literature claims it will do in excess of 70mpg (for anyone who doesn't know what 'mpg' means, look it up ya lazy shites). Well I have never got it to 70mpg, but I have got it to 68. It also has a readout that tells you what range you have left before you run out of diesel. Most days this range actually increases as the journey progresses.

The other day, for example, I set out with 190 miles left in the tank. I drove 120 miles and stopped in a motorway service station for a wee and a coffee. When I got back in my car to continue it told me that I had 170 miles left to go.

For the slow witted, I had 190 miles, drove 120 miles and therefore should have 70 miles left. As it stood, I had either used 20 miles worth of fuel, someone had secretly put diesel in my car as I stood in the queue in Costa or my car has magical powers.

I can easily drive over 800 miles on a tank of diesel and normally get about 60 - 65mpg except for when it is raining. For some reason when it rains the car struggles to get over 50mpg. Maybe it has the wrong type of tyres. Maybe I need to carry around a second set of tyres and a pit crew to change the wheels every time it rains, F1 style.

But then that would add weight to the car and that would affect the fuel consumption.

Oh I don't fucking know.............


  1. Nice one Mr.Carew. I handed in my resignation last week, but I turned it down. Self employment has its quirky side.

    Rob aka worcswizzard

  2. Hoorah! You're back. I sacked myself while I was Self Employed, you know what, I didn't do anything wrong! Anyways, nice to see you back.