Thursday, 17 May 2012

Thursday 17th May 2012

A man needs something he can hold onto. A nine pound hammer or a woman like you. Either one of them things will do, Jolene.

I was talking to someone today and she was telling me how she constantly hit 180%+ of her daily productivity targets, however she had been told that she had to slow down.
Naturally I presumed that this was because she was making others, who were not hitting their targets, look bad. But no, it was because she was making mistakes.

Apparently she only had a 80% accuracy mark on her 180% productivity, therefore she told me that it works out that she made about 2 mistakes out of every 100 pieces of work.

The next thing she said was the killer.

"If I make two mistakes out of every 100, how many per cent is that?"

"You are taking the piss, right?" was my response.

"No, what is it? 1%? Something like that?"


So, a policeman has not had his contract renewed and he was disciplined for nepotism and found guilty of gross misconduct, or maybe that's a gross error and it was some other kind of misconduct, but he was found guilty nonetheless.

But since he was not able to retire a wealthy copper, as he had only served 28 years, he was awarded £250,000.

Yes I shit you not, that is not a typo, it really does say one quarter of a million of your English pounds.

Shame you don't get that sort of treatment in all walks of life, the world would be a far better place.

It makes you wonder though, well it makes me wonder anyhoo, that if he was guilty of misconduct and caught recently how many times was he guilty of it and not caught?

Not my problem really, but it does annoy me a tad.

Dogs are funny things aint they? Well mine is anyways.

I have just put her food down and ahe has just done what she often does. That is, she saunters over to the bowl and sniffs it. She then looks at me in disgust and wanders off to sniff around the kitchen floor for more interesting smells. 

She is normally quite happy to eat it, however, if you stand next to her and watch her, which is also odd cause she won't have a shit if you are watching her.

So she don't mind you seeing it go in, but she don't want you seeing it come back out again.

"Why would you want to watch her shit?" I hear you cry, incredulously.

Well I don't, not really, but I have to see where she shits as I am the one who has to pick it up. She won't do it herslef, something about not having opposable thumbs or something.

She is now rubbing her head on the floor. Told you she was odd, didn't I.............??

edit: I don't know why the first few lines are highlighted, but I can't seem to get rid of the bastard thing.............

edit again: fixed it, I think............. 

1 comment:

  1. Just hold the mouse over the highlighted sentences and pull down and you'll be able to see them.

    You mean the answer wasn't 1%?

    I have cats that do the same thing. Won't eat all day, but come home and walk into the kitchen all of a sudden they are famished. They're just messing with our heads.

    Nice little post.