Monday 31st October 2011

Too hot, this town is too hot. Now they're calling for their guns, about to spoil the rude boys' fun, but rude boys never give up their guns. It's too hot.

Didn't buy any Chinese Lanterns at the weekend, didn't have time really. Well, that's a lie, I had plenty of time but I just forgot. That's a lie too, I didn't forget, I just didn't think about it which is different all together. I bought some pumpkins but didn't do anything with them as in this case we really did run out of time.

I was in Tesco on Saturday evening, just doing the usual, going in there for a few bits and

pieces and ending up spending around fifty quid, but something I did get were some Staedtler triplus fineliner pens. These pens aren't the cheapest and I don't really any as I already have some but I bought them for one simple reason. A pack of ten, assorted colours, were £5.50, which is cheap enough as they are generally more than this, but a pack of twenty, which had the same colours plus ten other shades and were EXACTLY the same pens (except for the colours of the other ten of course), cost £2.75. Yup, that's right, twice as many pens for half the price. How the fuck does that work?

A bit later on my daughter pointed out another 'bargain'. Same shop. Forget what the item was, but it cost £1. The bargain was, and they had signs telling you all about this, just so you wouldn't miss it, was that you could buy one for £1 or two for £2. I fucking kid you not.

Liz was in Tesco once, not the same one, but the one near us. I say near us but it is about ten miles away. Anyhoo she was there, on her own, and she was buying, amongst other things, a pizza for our tea. They had a special offer on, buy one and get two free. Yup you didn't hear that wrong (and for 'hear' read 'read', comprende?) if you bought one pizza you can have two more bastards for nothing, nowt, zilch, nada.

However, and this is a big "but", however we do not have room in our freezer for two free pizzas but, not wanting to miss out on a bargain, she thought she would at least get something from this offer and get one free. At the checkout, the till receipt showed full price for both. So Liz queried this and the explanation was that they were full price as she only had two. Seems that they were giving away two free but would not let you only have one for nothing. She could have got a third and then been able to get her money back on one of the original ones she had paid for, but she would have to go and get another one, presumably to give away / throw away / gorge / whatever.

I saw an advert on the telly tonight for First Bus. I first thought about a friend of mine, someone I shall call Andy, as that is his name, who has this special love-love relationship with First Bus, but then I wondered what the point of the advert was.
Digressing ever-so-slightly, something I learned from Andy was that in Scotland you cannot fish on a First Bus bus. You cannot drink Buckfast on a First Bus bus (if you don't know what Buckfast is, Google it, lazy twat). And you're not allowed to take photographs on a First Bus bus either.
Not sure if those are just Scottish rules, but I have never seen them on an English bus, not that I go on buses much meslef, but then again I have never seen anyone fishing on a bus down here come to think of it. Plenty of pissed people, but probably not on Buckfast.

Anyways, getting back to the advert. As I was watching it, and noticing how well the woman driver was singing the song she was singing, I realised that many people across the length and breadth of the country would now be letting other bus brands go on by the bus stop as they waited for the First Bus bus.

I mean, come on, are people really going to watch the advert and say to themselves, or anyone else who is listening, fuck me I am going to get off my lardy arse and go and catch a bus. Not just any bus but a First Bus bus. That's if you can find one, they have probably cut the service to be able to pay for the poxy cheesy advert.

I wonder if my mate Andy has seen it, I'll have to ask him next time he ventures out of his cave.............