Well it's been a long time.
Christmas has been and gone and New Year's Eve is upon us.
I went shopping in Tesco today, in the 'Seasonal' aisle they had the leftover Christmas shit that no one wanted, the cheaper crackers that have fortune fish and pencil tops in them, value brand Christmas puddings and the like, but on the other side of the aisle they had Easter Eggs.
I shit you not, fucking Easter Eggs.
OK, so Christmas is over (just) but it's not even New bastard Year yet, get a grip Tesco, for fuck sake.
Still I suppose the other supermarkets have done it and if any of them were to display their Easter confectionary any later than New Year's Eve then they may lose out on untold squillions in revenue.
Also I suppose they could be doing someone a favour.
Anyone who has run out of Christmas chocolate, after all Easter chocolate bunnies taste differently to Christmas Santas don't they???
I was walking my dog tonight.
Well, she was walking herself but I was escorting her (you know what I mean) and I saw an orange light in the sky.
Turns out it was a Chinese Lantern.
Quite pretty really.
A bit lonely, as there was only one, but pretty none the less.
It got me thinking, if loads of people send these Chinese Lanterns into the sky tonight it would look really good.
But how high do they go?
And what happens to them when the flame goes out.
If an aeroplane pilot flew his plane into a sea of the things would he shit himself and maybe crash the plane?
Would they potentially get caught in the engines and make the plane crash regardless of if the pilot shits himself or not?
Would the pilot be blinded by the beauty of the things, and become transfixed by the many lights and crash the plane?
There seems to be a recurring theme to the possibilities above, an underlying theme of planes crashing, which brought me to one conclusion:
CHINESE LANTERNS AINT FUCKING SAFE.............
They should be banned, but I don't blame the chinese, it probably isn't their fault.
I had to pick up my dog's shit whilst I was out, not that nice but as I am a responsible owner I feel it is my duty.
Picking up dog shit is like changing a baby's nappy, it's ok if it's your dog (in the case of the dog shit) or baby (in the case of the nappy) but you feel uneasy with someone else's.
I would put up a picture to illustrate my last point, but that would be shit.
What if you put the dog shit into the basket of a Chinese Lantern.............?