Tuesday 1st November 2011

The Devil went down to Scunthorpe, looking for a soul to steal. In a bind an' way behind, he was willin' to make a deal.

Do you remember teaching a child to ride a bike. It could be your child, a relative, a relative's child or maybe just a random child (not that I condone that sort of behaviour).

Or maybe you have seen someone teaching a child how to ride a bike, maybe in real life, maybe on film. To be honest, it don't really fucking matter, you know what I'm on about, don't you?

Holding on to the bike as the child gets a bit of momentum, letting go and watching them wobble a bit, then wobble a bit more, handlebars going every-which-way before the child either falls off or lets the bike drop. Then trying to explain to the child that the pedals need to go ALL the way round and not just push down with the right foot (left, if a south paw) and then try and get it to the top again.

Well I was in London today, and you know how much I fucking well hate the bastard place, but I saw something that nearly made me laugh

out loud.
If I was drinking tea, I would have probably snorted some through my nose, it was that sort of thing.
You know those "Boris Bikes" you can hire in London? Well you may not, they are shitty looking bikes that are locked in racks everywhere you look and you can use them and then just abandon them wherever and whenever you have finished with them. They have these silly little flashing lights that are always on, like someone is expecting the smog from Victorian times to return and engulf the World.
Well anyhoo, I saw a Chinese couple next to a long rack of these things and the woman was sitting on one and the man was trying to teach her how to ride it. No Chinese Lanterns or owt, but they had obviously gone through a bit of the 'pushing along and letting go' stage as she was now attempting to ride it herself. He was doing 'pedalling' motions with his hands and she was wobbling, wobbling a bit more and then dropping the bike. I initially thought it was quite admirable for her to attempt to ride a bike at her age but then I thought, "Why the fuckety fuck would you do this in the middle of the busiest city in the country on a shitty bike the likes of which you will probably never ride again?"
She may get a bit of a wobbly ride going on the pavement but imagine her teetering along Embankment with all those tosser motorcycle couriers and twatty van delivery drivers. Not to mention pig stupid country bumkin drivers like meslef, who despise being in the stinking rotten place let alone driving in it.
She wouldn't last five seconds before she was stir-fry fodder.

I left home at 0400hrs, was in Stratford by 0710hrs, left there at 0900hrs and then took over two hours to drive the 45 miles to Reading. And it was pishing down.

Took another photo of the Moon tonight, couldn't resist.