I, I wish you could swim. Like dolphins, like dolphins can swim...
I have not written for ages. So long that I can't remember when the last time was or what it was about.
Never mind, it doesn't matter. Today's blog is not going to be funny. I know sometimes it isn't anyway, but today it will be deliberately so.
I have been wondering what to write about for some time but couldn't think of anything. Also I have been working a lot lately, but that doesn't matter either and I'm not gonna moan about it either.
A lot of people moan over the most trivial of things. Most of things that we moan about really aint worth it, myslef included. I work all over the country and always hear people moaning about the weather, it's too hot, it's too cold, it's too wet, there's a drought. Another favourite is work, the hours are too long, the hours are too short, the work is too hard, the work is boring etc etc.
Celebrities moan all the time. They moan if they don't get enough attention, they moan if they get too much attention, they became a celebrity to be in the public eye and then moan when the public want to photograph them.
Well I was on a website today, whilst sitting in Cambridge Service Station, and there was a link to a website.
http://alicepyne.blogspot.com/
I hope that link works, if not there is a link in the list of my favourite sites, top right of the page.
This girl should be an inspiration to us all. She has terminal cancer, but she is raising awareness for Anthony Nolan and Bone Marrow Awareness so other people can be helped.
She is 15 years old and has been battling cancer for 4 years and has written a 'Bucket List' of things she wants to do in her life. You may think that these would be outlandish things that we can only dream of, but read the list.
Alice would like to go to Cadbury World. She would like to stay in the Chocolate Room at Alton Towers. She would like to train dolphins. There are things on the list that Alice has already done, like go to Kenya (well it was "Kent-Ya) but look at the very top of the list.
The very top of the list is for something that is not for her but for any other person that may need it.
And she's only fifteen years old.
And then there is her sister, Milly.
Milly has raised over £100k. That's ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND POUNDS. And all for charity.
Milly was born with a rare genetic condition called Crouzon's Syndrome - where the bones in her skull were fused at birth. She has had countless hospital visits and operations and yet during all this time she has written a story called "My Life at Great Ormond Street" and created a Christmas Card, both of which raise money for the hospital.
All this, and Milly is 12 years old.
Yup, that's right, twelve years old.
So there you have it, a fifteen year old with terminal Hodgkin’s Lymphoma (a cancer of the lymphatic system) and her twelve year old sister not without her own problems.
And what do they do? Do they sit there and moan about it?
Nope they go out and do stuff that will benefit who knows how many hundreds of other people. Not for themselves, they don't get any financial gain, they are 15 and 12 years old for god's sake, they do it because they can, they want to and they are brilliant human beings.
I write a crappy blog in my spare time, Alice Pyne writes a truly inspirational one and everyone should read it, at least one entry if not all of them.
The two of them are a credit to their parents, god only knows what they go through, but I bet you don't hear them moaning all the time either.
The pair of them, Alice and Milly Pyne, have both been nominated for the 'Inspiration Awards for Women' and I implore you to go to the website now and vote for them. You have to vote in the other categories too but they don't really matter, just make sure you vote for these two.
http://www.inspirationawards.co.uk/voting/index.php
And next time you feel like moaning, spare a thought for Alice and Milly, two truly fantastic girls.............
Thursday, 22 September 2011
Tuesday, 6 September 2011
Tuesday 6th September 2011
He found a tiger's head one day nailed to a piece of wood, the tiger looked quite miserable but I suppose it should.
I bought some Tic Tacs the other day. Thought I would keep them in the car to give me a little lift every time I wanted one.
They are Cherry and Passion Fruit flavoured. Or Cherry Passion, as they call them. The cherry ones are red and the passion are yellow. The pack says there are 100 in the little pot and I was wondering if there really was. I also wondered if there would be 50 of each and I wished I'd counted them before I started to eat them. Too late now, most of them are gone, but I may have to buy another pack just to see.
It's funny, but when I shake them out of the little opening in the top they always seem to come out in twos, one of each colour / flavour. Are they specially designed to do this? Is there some kind of magnetic field built into them to make the two flavours / colours stick together? Are they full of something we don't know about? Are they safe to eat?
For fucks sake, they are little tiny sweets, you twat, they aint gonna do you any harm, you wouldn't even fit much fat in them so they gotta be healthy.
Car's in for a service. Finally get to take of the bit of card that is covering up the service light on the dashboard. I'm sure Renault only put it there, right in your eyeline, so that you get so fucked off with it that you take your car to be serviced just to have it turned off.
Bloody great spanner, it is, enough to drive you mad.
Shitty weather today, unless you are a duck, which I'm not so it was shitty.
Good for the grass, they say. I don't give a toss about the grass. If I want the grass to have water I can turn on the hosepipe. It aint hard. What I want is a bit of decent weather.
Engalnd won tonight, yay.
I go on a website run by people with Fuji cameras. You can upload photos for others to see and comment on. There was a beaut went up tonight. Someone took a photo of their car, a Passat or a Bora or something, maybe a Golf, it's difficult to tell from the clever angle the picture is shot from, but it was a 20v GTI, by all accounts. Lovely photo, I feel ashamed to share a planet with people like the one who took that photo. Genius, true genius.............
I bought some Tic Tacs the other day. Thought I would keep them in the car to give me a little lift every time I wanted one.
It's funny, but when I shake them out of the little opening in the top they always seem to come out in twos, one of each colour / flavour. Are they specially designed to do this? Is there some kind of magnetic field built into them to make the two flavours / colours stick together? Are they full of something we don't know about? Are they safe to eat?
For fucks sake, they are little tiny sweets, you twat, they aint gonna do you any harm, you wouldn't even fit much fat in them so they gotta be healthy.
Car's in for a service. Finally get to take of the bit of card that is covering up the service light on the dashboard. I'm sure Renault only put it there, right in your eyeline, so that you get so fucked off with it that you take your car to be serviced just to have it turned off.
Bloody great spanner, it is, enough to drive you mad.
Shitty weather today, unless you are a duck, which I'm not so it was shitty.
Good for the grass, they say. I don't give a toss about the grass. If I want the grass to have water I can turn on the hosepipe. It aint hard. What I want is a bit of decent weather.
Engalnd won tonight, yay.
I go on a website run by people with Fuji cameras. You can upload photos for others to see and comment on. There was a beaut went up tonight. Someone took a photo of their car, a Passat or a Bora or something, maybe a Golf, it's difficult to tell from the clever angle the picture is shot from, but it was a 20v GTI, by all accounts. Lovely photo, I feel ashamed to share a planet with people like the one who took that photo. Genius, true genius.............
Angled Reflections | MyFinePix UK
Every month there is a competition on this Fuji website with a different theme.
This month, the theme is 'Angles'
Here is my entry.............
Angled Reflections | MyFinePix UK
This month, the theme is 'Angles'
Here is my entry.............
Angled Reflections | MyFinePix UK
Saturday, 3 September 2011
Saturday 3rd September 2011
She's nicked off, I'm in a spin, the first thing I shall do oo oo, is plug the hoover in.
A funny thing happened to me today.
That sounds like the opening line of a joke, "a funny thing happened to me on the way to the...."
Well something funny happened to me when I got somewhere. We went to a leading supermarket, one that has just announced that it is shutting down all it's Japanese stores because they don't make enough money. Not that they lose money, but that they don't make enough. Still, we went there to buy a few bits and pieces and also try to get seven quid back. We had bought some washing liquid last week and it was a BOGOF offer. Seven quid each they were, and as the second one was free (if you bought the first one) we decided to get two. When we got home we noticed that we had been charged for two, not for one, so the BOGOF hadn't kicked in.
Did you know that there is also a well known acronym in the trade (which trade?!?) known as WIGIG, or Wigig. Can you guess what it is? I only know cause my brother told me, and he sells fish fingers for the company that has the old sailor boy.
Anyhoo, we got our £7 back and decided to do what was only right, and go and spend it in the canteen on a bit of brekkie. Being a veterinarian I asked for a couple of vege sausages and sure enough the woman serving toddled off and got them. When she came back I asked for the rest of my order. I had two hash browns, tomatoes, mushrooms, beans, fried bread and then asked for two fried eggs. She looked at the empty fried egg plate. Looked at me. Looked at the fried egg plate again. Next to the plate without the fried eggs was a plate with poached eggs. She looked at her colleague. Looked at the fried egg plate. Looked at me. Looked back at the fried egg plate, picked it up and went to the kitchen hatch and asked for more fried eggs.
I then asked for a sausage and fried egg roll for Liz. She toddled off and came back with a bread roll with a couple of sausages in a roll. When I reminded her that I had asked for a sausage and FRIED EGG roll, she asked me if I had ordered the fried egg, as the fried egg plate was empty. I told her I had, as I had ordered a sausage AND FRIED EGG roll, with her, when I asked for a sausage and fried egg roll. She looked at me. She looked at the fried egg plate. Looked at me. Looked at her colleague and then started towards the kitchen hatch. Her colleague told me that they had poached eggs. I told her I wanted a fried egg. "You don't want a poached egg then?" she asked. "No, I want a fried egg" I patiently replied. My breakfast came and they said they would bring the roll over to the table, so we went to pay.
When we got to the till the woman asked the serving woman if my breakfast was a 10 item breakfast. As she asked the question she was counting the items on my plate. She correctly counted two eggs, two hash browns, two vege sausages fried bread, tomatoes, beans and mushrooms (10 items) and then asked again, "is this a 10 item?".
After breakfast we went to buy a couple of things; bread, eggs, scouring pads and stuff.
Whilst touring the aisles I saw the most bizarre thing.
I remember, back in the day, that you used to be able to buy sweet cigarettes but these got banned for health reasons. Now you get sweet sticks, or sweet twigs or somesuch rubbish, but what I saw was truly strange. Who would have thought that a leading supermarket would sell such a thing. I thought these would never have got passed the PC brigade in case they gave you cancer, or implied that they may suggest you get cancer, or may even entice you to go to another area of the same shop to buy something that may well actually give you cancer.
All you would have to do, to make them really really authentic would be to dip the end of them into some tomato ketchup.
Oh, and they didn't even have a health warning on them, even though they contained semolina.............
A funny thing happened to me today.
That sounds like the opening line of a joke, "a funny thing happened to me on the way to the...."
Well something funny happened to me when I got somewhere. We went to a leading supermarket, one that has just announced that it is shutting down all it's Japanese stores because they don't make enough money. Not that they lose money, but that they don't make enough. Still, we went there to buy a few bits and pieces and also try to get seven quid back. We had bought some washing liquid last week and it was a BOGOF offer. Seven quid each they were, and as the second one was free (if you bought the first one) we decided to get two. When we got home we noticed that we had been charged for two, not for one, so the BOGOF hadn't kicked in.
Did you know that there is also a well known acronym in the trade (which trade?!?) known as WIGIG, or Wigig. Can you guess what it is? I only know cause my brother told me, and he sells fish fingers for the company that has the old sailor boy.
Anyhoo, we got our £7 back and decided to do what was only right, and go and spend it in the canteen on a bit of brekkie. Being a veterinarian I asked for a couple of vege sausages and sure enough the woman serving toddled off and got them. When she came back I asked for the rest of my order. I had two hash browns, tomatoes, mushrooms, beans, fried bread and then asked for two fried eggs. She looked at the empty fried egg plate. Looked at me. Looked at the fried egg plate again. Next to the plate without the fried eggs was a plate with poached eggs. She looked at her colleague. Looked at the fried egg plate. Looked at me. Looked back at the fried egg plate, picked it up and went to the kitchen hatch and asked for more fried eggs.
I then asked for a sausage and fried egg roll for Liz. She toddled off and came back with a bread roll with a couple of sausages in a roll. When I reminded her that I had asked for a sausage and FRIED EGG roll, she asked me if I had ordered the fried egg, as the fried egg plate was empty. I told her I had, as I had ordered a sausage AND FRIED EGG roll, with her, when I asked for a sausage and fried egg roll. She looked at me. She looked at the fried egg plate. Looked at me. Looked at her colleague and then started towards the kitchen hatch. Her colleague told me that they had poached eggs. I told her I wanted a fried egg. "You don't want a poached egg then?" she asked. "No, I want a fried egg" I patiently replied. My breakfast came and they said they would bring the roll over to the table, so we went to pay.
When we got to the till the woman asked the serving woman if my breakfast was a 10 item breakfast. As she asked the question she was counting the items on my plate. She correctly counted two eggs, two hash browns, two vege sausages fried bread, tomatoes, beans and mushrooms (10 items) and then asked again, "is this a 10 item?".
After breakfast we went to buy a couple of things; bread, eggs, scouring pads and stuff.
Whilst touring the aisles I saw the most bizarre thing.
All you would have to do, to make them really really authentic would be to dip the end of them into some tomato ketchup.
Oh, and they didn't even have a health warning on them, even though they contained semolina.............
Wednesday, 31 August 2011
Wednesday 31st August 2011
With Easter eggs in January and Christmas lights in June, anything that's barely over's coming back real soon.
Back to the A1 and I had to endure more slow moving traffic. This time it was the Army.
Loads of them too; Landrovers, trucks with guns, Troop carriers and the like. No fucker was going to argue with THEM so we all filed by nice and sedately. They do a good job, but I did wonder where they were going, as they headed South down the A1. Did they know something I didn't? (they probably know loads of stuff I don't, but that's another story).
Why do they always have their headlights on though? All camouflaged and stuff so you can't see them and then they go and light themselves up nice and bright and give the game away. Silly fuckers, it's no wonder our soldiers have to be so good, they never have the element of surprise.
Anyhoo, about ten miles down the road I passed a whole heap of Police riot vans heading North. 'You've got no chance', I thought, the soldier boys are a lot bastard harder than you lot so if your going up there all lairy like and looking for a scuffle then I wouldn't bother, you'll get your collective asses whuped.
What's the collective noun for asses? Not that I really need to know, but I may want to used it for some strange reason in the future.
Everyone knows a flock of Sheep, or a colony of Penguins (thanks to one of the Attenboroughs, can't remember which), and even a parliament of Owls (or Rooks) but what about Peacocks or Ravens? What about Leopards or Weasels? Jellyfish? Iguanas? Pedlars, Deans or Hermits?
Fuck me collectively, I'm boring meslef now so I really pity you lot!
Driving along Dearne Valley Parkway I noticed a few benches dotted alongside the road. Now this aint a quiet country lane, this is a proper busy one. Cars often scream along
three abreast. Now why the fuck would you want to put benches in this sort of location? And, more to the point, why would someone want to sit on them? I did think at first that it may be for the elderly, but then I came to my senses. Why would old folk want to walk along this sort of road when they can get free bus travel? If they walked along the road they may get sucked right off the pavement into the path of a fast moving articulated lorry and squashed and mangled and killed and stuff.
Driving up the M1, heading North, I saw another load of Army vehicles heading South. Reinforcements for the A1 convoy I suppose, doing a delayed pincer movement them probably.
Muster, unkindness, leap, sneak, stuck, mess, malapertness, decanter and observants.............
Back to the A1 and I had to endure more slow moving traffic. This time it was the Army.
Why do they always have their headlights on though? All camouflaged and stuff so you can't see them and then they go and light themselves up nice and bright and give the game away. Silly fuckers, it's no wonder our soldiers have to be so good, they never have the element of surprise.
Anyhoo, about ten miles down the road I passed a whole heap of Police riot vans heading North. 'You've got no chance', I thought, the soldier boys are a lot bastard harder than you lot so if your going up there all lairy like and looking for a scuffle then I wouldn't bother, you'll get your collective asses whuped.
What's the collective noun for asses? Not that I really need to know, but I may want to used it for some strange reason in the future.
Everyone knows a flock of Sheep, or a colony of Penguins (thanks to one of the Attenboroughs, can't remember which), and even a parliament of Owls (or Rooks) but what about Peacocks or Ravens? What about Leopards or Weasels? Jellyfish? Iguanas? Pedlars, Deans or Hermits?
Fuck me collectively, I'm boring meslef now so I really pity you lot!
Driving along Dearne Valley Parkway I noticed a few benches dotted alongside the road. Now this aint a quiet country lane, this is a proper busy one. Cars often scream along
Driving up the M1, heading North, I saw another load of Army vehicles heading South. Reinforcements for the A1 convoy I suppose, doing a delayed pincer movement them probably.
Muster, unkindness, leap, sneak, stuck, mess, malapertness, decanter and observants.............
Tuesday, 30 August 2011
Tuesday 30th August 2011
Mirror in the bathroom please talk free, the door is locked just you and me.
Now I've got nothing against farmers, quite on the contrary as I think they do a fairly reasonable job what with all the animals they grow
to provide us with food and drink and stuff, but when they drive their tractors down the A1 at thirteen minutes past eleven, when I am trying to get to a meeting, then they really fuck me off.
At 1113hrs, shouldn't they be secretly spraying crops with insecticide or putting up scarecrows or something, not driving down the A1 at 15mph causing road rage and high blood pressure.
And before you say it, I appreciate that Farmer Brown has to get from one field to another, or one farm to another, but why does he have to go down the A1? It's not like he has to stick to the roads, is it? He has the best 4x4 going, I mean how often do you see a tractor stuck in the mud? Never, that's when. It's tractors that pull stupid saps like me out of the mud, but their aint no mud on the A1 Farmer Brown.
And which way did they go before the A1 was invented? Not down the A1, that's for sure. They probably went across fields that are now full of Rape Seed or Corn on the Cob or something.
Oh well, I got there in the end so no harm done.
There was a story on the radio today, probably on the Jeremy Vine show but I didn't hear
it on there as I was in my meeting (sorry Jeremy, I know you read this) but it's the sort of thing he would debate most excellently, about how women live longer than men. It's all to do with how we sleep, apparently. Someone somewhere, probably in a back street school in Sweden, has done some scientific research into how men don't sleep as well as women. Men are more stressed, you see, and they cannot turn their brains off at night. Women, on the other hand, have very little to be stressed about and therefore sleep more soundly.
Sounds like the sort of research that Professor Norton Folgate would carry out, but no, not this time.
And it makes sense I suppose, if you think about it logically (women, look away now).
Men have all the stressful high powered jobs whilst women are used to gentler tasks, like needlework, cookery and taking tea with the ladies.
Men, meanwhile, have to go out into the world and be the providers, the hunters and the gatherers and it's a dangerous world, let me tell you. It's a world full of farmers driving along busy main roads at 15mph. Now THAT'S stressful.
Now I've got nothing against farmers, quite on the contrary as I think they do a fairly reasonable job what with all the animals they grow
At 1113hrs, shouldn't they be secretly spraying crops with insecticide or putting up scarecrows or something, not driving down the A1 at 15mph causing road rage and high blood pressure.
And before you say it, I appreciate that Farmer Brown has to get from one field to another, or one farm to another, but why does he have to go down the A1? It's not like he has to stick to the roads, is it? He has the best 4x4 going, I mean how often do you see a tractor stuck in the mud? Never, that's when. It's tractors that pull stupid saps like me out of the mud, but their aint no mud on the A1 Farmer Brown.
And which way did they go before the A1 was invented? Not down the A1, that's for sure. They probably went across fields that are now full of Rape Seed or Corn on the Cob or something.
Oh well, I got there in the end so no harm done.
There was a story on the radio today, probably on the Jeremy Vine show but I didn't hear
Sounds like the sort of research that Professor Norton Folgate would carry out, but no, not this time.
And it makes sense I suppose, if you think about it logically (women, look away now).
Men, meanwhile, have to go out into the world and be the providers, the hunters and the gatherers and it's a dangerous world, let me tell you. It's a world full of farmers driving along busy main roads at 15mph. Now THAT'S stressful.
Monday, 29 August 2011
Monday 29th August 2011
It was Four Tops all night with encores from stage right.
Monday night and it feels like a Sunday. Had quite a quiet weekend, all in all.
Didn't do much on Friday as it was pishing down all day so just mooched about round the house.
Saturday came and we took the Jezebel for a nice walk up to the woods. She worried me all the time we were out as I had visions of her stitches splitting and her entrails spilling out. Silly mare would probably have ate them if they had, so they wouldn't have gone to waste. As we were in the woods she did her usual and found an old plastic bottle to play with. All's well that ends well though and we all made it home in one piece.
We went to an 'Event Day' at Bolsover Castle on Sunday. It was advertised as a chance to 'Hear the sound of clashing swords at Bolsover Castle this bank holiday as our battling barons show off their skills in the tournee ring. Children can take part in a mini battle of their own and the hobby horse joust is sure to keep them entertained. Visitors will also get to meet a variety of medieval folk including an executioner, herbalist and Spicer as well as our brave knights'.
Well, when we got there the children had just finished their mini battle but there were no fatalities. Quite glad I missed it really, it was obviously a fairly boring battle if no one was killed. They need to sharpen their swords methinks.
Didn't see many Knights floating around, to be honest, there were five blokes and a couple women but they did quite well playing several roles each. Weren't really convincing as a full scale battle though, sort of lacked authenticity, what with there being only seven of them.
I think the castle needs more work too. I appreciate that it is a bit run down, and that's part of it's charm, but when you pay eight and a half quid to get in you expect to see more than a load of empty rooms. One room wasn't quite empty as they hadn't fully cleared up after a recent wedding. They had a load of fake feathers left on a table and some of the name things for telling people where they have to sit.
Funny, when you go to a wedding, the organisers always think it is a good idea to put people together 'to get to know each other'. Well I think that's bollocks, I would rather sit with people I know and have a laugh, not have to endure the awkward silences that always occur. And then if you want to talk to your wife / husband / girlfriend / boyfriend / partner / lover etc you feel the need to whisper so you don't annoy or offend anyone else at your table.
I always find the best way to break the ice is to fart really really loudly and then stare at the person next to you (the OTHER side to your wife / husband / girlfriend / boyfriend / partner / lover etc). It's a talking point.
Today, we went to Clumber Park. It's a National Trust site so, as I am old and a member, it's free to get in. We took the Jezebel again, as her stitches are
still stitched up, and she seemed to enjoy it. She had a Mini Milk, which went in about two gulps, so I was glad I didn't buy her one of the more expensive ice creams like the one I bought myslef and Liz. They had the waffle cones, and I thought they may make her a bit hyper, and I didn't really want that.
Maybe I'm paranoid, but I really don't want the whole entrail thing, especially not at home, it would make such a mess.
Mind you, when she had her pups there was no mess. Well there was but she cleared it all up.
With her tongue.
She ate goose shit today too. I'm sure the antibiotics she is on is increasing her appetite.
Not that eating goose shit has anything to do with that, as she always does it whether she is on antibiotics or not.
Monday night and it feels like a Sunday. Had quite a quiet weekend, all in all.
Didn't do much on Friday as it was pishing down all day so just mooched about round the house.
Saturday came and we took the Jezebel for a nice walk up to the woods. She worried me all the time we were out as I had visions of her stitches splitting and her entrails spilling out. Silly mare would probably have ate them if they had, so they wouldn't have gone to waste. As we were in the woods she did her usual and found an old plastic bottle to play with. All's well that ends well though and we all made it home in one piece.
Well, when we got there the children had just finished their mini battle but there were no fatalities. Quite glad I missed it really, it was obviously a fairly boring battle if no one was killed. They need to sharpen their swords methinks.
Didn't see many Knights floating around, to be honest, there were five blokes and a couple women but they did quite well playing several roles each. Weren't really convincing as a full scale battle though, sort of lacked authenticity, what with there being only seven of them.
I think the castle needs more work too. I appreciate that it is a bit run down, and that's part of it's charm, but when you pay eight and a half quid to get in you expect to see more than a load of empty rooms. One room wasn't quite empty as they hadn't fully cleared up after a recent wedding. They had a load of fake feathers left on a table and some of the name things for telling people where they have to sit.
Funny, when you go to a wedding, the organisers always think it is a good idea to put people together 'to get to know each other'. Well I think that's bollocks, I would rather sit with people I know and have a laugh, not have to endure the awkward silences that always occur. And then if you want to talk to your wife / husband / girlfriend / boyfriend / partner / lover etc you feel the need to whisper so you don't annoy or offend anyone else at your table.
I always find the best way to break the ice is to fart really really loudly and then stare at the person next to you (the OTHER side to your wife / husband / girlfriend / boyfriend / partner / lover etc). It's a talking point.
Today, we went to Clumber Park. It's a National Trust site so, as I am old and a member, it's free to get in. We took the Jezebel again, as her stitches are
Maybe I'm paranoid, but I really don't want the whole entrail thing, especially not at home, it would make such a mess.
Mind you, when she had her pups there was no mess. Well there was but she cleared it all up.
With her tongue.
She ate goose shit today too. I'm sure the antibiotics she is on is increasing her appetite.
Not that eating goose shit has anything to do with that, as she always does it whether she is on antibiotics or not.
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