Saturday 3rd September 2011

She's nicked off, I'm in a spin, the first thing I shall do oo oo, is plug the hoover in.

A funny thing happened to me today.
That sounds like the opening line of a joke, "a funny thing happened to me on the way to the...."

Well something funny happened to me when I got somewhere. We went to a leading supermarket, one that has just announced that it is shutting down all it's Japanese stores because they don't make enough money. Not that they lose money, but that they don't make enough. Still, we went there to buy a few bits and pieces and also try to get seven quid back. We had bought some washing liquid last week and it was a BOGOF offer. Seven quid each they were, and as the second one was free (if you bought the first one) we decided to get two. When we got home we noticed that we had been charged for two, not for one, so the BOGOF hadn't kicked in.

Did you know that there is also a well known acronym in the trade (which trade?!?) known as WIGIG, or Wigig. Can you guess what it is? I only know cause my brother told me, and he sells fish fingers for the company that has the old sailor boy.

Anyhoo, we got our £7 back and decided to do what was only right, and go and spend it in the canteen on a bit of brekkie. Being a veterinarian I asked for a couple of vege sausages and sure enough the woman serving toddled off and got them. When she came back I asked for the rest of my order. I had two hash browns, tomatoes, mushrooms, beans, fried bread and then asked for two fried eggs. She looked at the empty fried egg plate. Looked at me. Looked at the fried egg plate again. Next to the plate without the fried eggs was a plate with poached eggs. She looked at her colleague. Looked at the fried egg plate. Looked at me. Looked back at the fried egg plate, picked it up and went to the kitchen hatch and asked for more fried eggs.

I then asked for a sausage and fried egg roll for Liz. She toddled off and came back with a bread roll with a couple of sausages in a roll. When I reminded her that I had asked for a sausage and FRIED EGG roll, she asked me if I had ordered the fried egg, as the fried egg plate was empty. I told her I had, as I had ordered a sausage AND FRIED EGG roll, with her, when I asked for a sausage and fried egg roll. She looked at me. She looked at the fried egg plate. Looked at me. Looked at her colleague and then started towards the kitchen hatch. Her colleague told me that they had poached eggs. I told her I wanted a fried egg. "You don't want a poached egg then?" she asked. "No, I want a fried egg" I patiently replied. My breakfast came and they said they would bring the roll over to the table, so we went to pay.

When we got to the till the woman asked the serving woman if my breakfast was a 10 item breakfast. As she asked the question she was counting the items on my plate. She correctly counted two eggs, two hash browns, two vege sausages fried bread, tomatoes, beans and mushrooms (10 items) and then asked again, "is this a 10 item?".

After breakfast we went to buy a couple of things; bread, eggs, scouring pads and stuff.
Whilst touring the aisles I saw the most bizarre thing.

I remember, back in the day, that you used to be able to buy sweet cigarettes but these got banned for health reasons. Now you get sweet sticks, or sweet twigs or somesuch rubbish, but what I saw was truly strange. Who would have thought that a leading supermarket would sell such a thing. I thought these would never have got passed the PC brigade in case they gave you cancer, or implied that they may suggest you get cancer, or may even entice you to go to another area of the same shop to buy something that may well actually give you cancer.
All you would have to do, to make them really really authentic would be to dip the end of them into some tomato ketchup.

Oh, and they didn't even have a health warning on them, even though they contained semolina.............