Do Chinese people eat English food at the weekend?
Do they treat themselves to an 'Engly'?
Or maybe they have a full English on a Saturday morning.
What about Indian people living in France?
Would they have a continental breakfast?
And would it be called a continental breakfast in France, by French people?
Le petit dejeuner de la continent maybe.
Or perhaps just a croissant?
What would happen if a family of German speaking Indians were living in France and fancied some foreign food.
What would they eat?
Especially if they were vegetarians living on an organic farm.
Wind up torches are all the rage these days.
I've invented a solar power torch so you don't need to waste energy winding things up.
It's got a solar panel from the roof of a derelict bungalow which powers the 25w bulb.
I've not worked out how to store the solar energy yet so it only works when the sun is out.
And it's pretty big.
Friday, 20 August 2010
Thursday, 19 August 2010
Thursday 19th August 2010
Smoking Kills.
They're not a bad band, you should check them out.
I think you have to google 'The Smoking Kills' otherwise you get health warnings from the gobblement.
I don't really know who I think I'm talking to when I say "you should check them out" etc, cause no one reads this shit.
However smoking really does kill apparently.
It has been scientifically proven that 100% of all people die.
I smoke and I guess I will die too one day.
The photos that they put on tobacco products, such as black gummy toothless mouths are supposed to put people off.
I'm hoping that if I smoke enough my teeth will look that good.
I blame my childhood.
For everything.
Everything that had happened in my life can be traced back to my childhood.
Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a bad childhood, it's just where it all began.
So I blame childhood for smoking and bad teeth.
And everything else.
They're not a bad band, you should check them out.
I think you have to google 'The Smoking Kills' otherwise you get health warnings from the gobblement.
I don't really know who I think I'm talking to when I say "you should check them out" etc, cause no one reads this shit.
However smoking really does kill apparently.
It has been scientifically proven that 100% of all people die.
I smoke and I guess I will die too one day.
The photos that they put on tobacco products, such as black gummy toothless mouths are supposed to put people off.
I'm hoping that if I smoke enough my teeth will look that good.
I blame my childhood.
For everything.
Everything that had happened in my life can be traced back to my childhood.
Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a bad childhood, it's just where it all began.
So I blame childhood for smoking and bad teeth.
And everything else.
Monday, 16 August 2010
Monday 16th August 2010
Jacket Potatoes: Best cooked in the microwave or the oven?
Personally I start mine off in the microwave and finish them of in the oven.
Speed coupled with crispness.
My barbecue fell apart today.
I used to try and save time every morning by going to the toilet before I got up.
Now I find it much more economical on the time if I combine my shit, shave and shower.
With just a slight adjustment of the shower head, you get a bidet thrown in.
If you want to save money as well as time, a good start is to recycle water.
This can be a bit tricky, and you have to watch you don't spill water over the kitchen floor, as you may slip and fall and even hurt yourself, thus potentially making it even thriftier as you may end up in hospital and therefore wouldn't have to use, or pay for, your own water.
However, with a bit of due care and attention, this is something the whole family can take part in, making it a fun thing to do on a rainy day!
First, find a bucket, a barrell or any other container.
Size, ladies, DOESN'T matter, not in this case anyway, as the bigger the recepticle the more water you can collect but the heavier it will be when you come to carry it.
Anyhow, place the container in a place where it is likely to catch falling rain.
Under a carport roof is not recommended as the chances of water collection are remote, unless the roof leaks.
Once your container has water in it, take it to the kitchen and transfer the rain water to a saucepan or stockpot.
Cover the pan with a specially adapted lid that has a plastic tube coming out of it, about oh I don't know about 10 metres long, and make sure the tube can reach your fridge.
Place approximately 6 metres of the tube inside the fridge as best you can and coil it up with the end going into a glass, dish or something similar.
No turn up the heat on the stove and watch in amazement when the water turns to steam and the steams goes into the tube and then when it cools in the fridge it turns back to water again.
I once saw this on Ray Mears Goes Walking in the Desert (or some similarly named programme) and have adapted it for modern day living.
It didn't actually work for me, but I am sure with a bit of practice I can produce a bit of drinking water.
Once the 3rd degree burns on my hand subside a bit.................
Personally I start mine off in the microwave and finish them of in the oven.
Speed coupled with crispness.
My barbecue fell apart today.
I used to try and save time every morning by going to the toilet before I got up.
Now I find it much more economical on the time if I combine my shit, shave and shower.
With just a slight adjustment of the shower head, you get a bidet thrown in.
If you want to save money as well as time, a good start is to recycle water.
This can be a bit tricky, and you have to watch you don't spill water over the kitchen floor, as you may slip and fall and even hurt yourself, thus potentially making it even thriftier as you may end up in hospital and therefore wouldn't have to use, or pay for, your own water.
However, with a bit of due care and attention, this is something the whole family can take part in, making it a fun thing to do on a rainy day!
First, find a bucket, a barrell or any other container.
Size, ladies, DOESN'T matter, not in this case anyway, as the bigger the recepticle the more water you can collect but the heavier it will be when you come to carry it.
Anyhow, place the container in a place where it is likely to catch falling rain.
Under a carport roof is not recommended as the chances of water collection are remote, unless the roof leaks.
Once your container has water in it, take it to the kitchen and transfer the rain water to a saucepan or stockpot.
Cover the pan with a specially adapted lid that has a plastic tube coming out of it, about oh I don't know about 10 metres long, and make sure the tube can reach your fridge.
Place approximately 6 metres of the tube inside the fridge as best you can and coil it up with the end going into a glass, dish or something similar.
No turn up the heat on the stove and watch in amazement when the water turns to steam and the steams goes into the tube and then when it cools in the fridge it turns back to water again.
I once saw this on Ray Mears Goes Walking in the Desert (or some similarly named programme) and have adapted it for modern day living.
It didn't actually work for me, but I am sure with a bit of practice I can produce a bit of drinking water.
Once the 3rd degree burns on my hand subside a bit.................
Saturday, 14 August 2010
Saturday 14th August 2010
Public school: good or bad?
Scientists, of a certain persuasion claim that drinking coffee late at night could keep you awake.
Something to do with the caffeine.
I often drink coffee last thing at night but as long as I'm tired enough I have no problem dropping off.
I once heard that Bill Gates is richer than gravity.
If he put all his money under his bed, and then fell off said bed he would start to fall like a parachutist.
If, then, the interest earned on his money was added to the stash already under the bed, but the floor went down to accommodate the extra cash, then Mr Gates would never hit the floor, thus proving said theory.
Mick 'spinach tooth' Hucknell's adage about money being too tight to mention was not quite right in this instance.
Was semaphore ever a useful form of communication?
Even in the days before emails, text messages and morse code, surely waving flags about whilst standing on the bow of a ship in a force ten was a bit of a bind?
It would have taken so long that the ship would crash or something, wouldn't it?
I've not seen any shooting stars this week but I have just watched two old episodes on one of the repeat channels.
Dave, probably.
Oil of Ulay.
Marathon.
Opal Fruits.
Jif.
What do these things have in common?
Answers will cost £10 per minute and any entries received after tomorrow will not be counted but we'll keep your money.
Scientists, of a certain persuasion claim that drinking coffee late at night could keep you awake.
Something to do with the caffeine.
I often drink coffee last thing at night but as long as I'm tired enough I have no problem dropping off.
I once heard that Bill Gates is richer than gravity.
If he put all his money under his bed, and then fell off said bed he would start to fall like a parachutist.
If, then, the interest earned on his money was added to the stash already under the bed, but the floor went down to accommodate the extra cash, then Mr Gates would never hit the floor, thus proving said theory.
Mick 'spinach tooth' Hucknell's adage about money being too tight to mention was not quite right in this instance.
Was semaphore ever a useful form of communication?
Even in the days before emails, text messages and morse code, surely waving flags about whilst standing on the bow of a ship in a force ten was a bit of a bind?
It would have taken so long that the ship would crash or something, wouldn't it?
I've not seen any shooting stars this week but I have just watched two old episodes on one of the repeat channels.
Dave, probably.
Oil of Ulay.
Marathon.
Opal Fruits.
Jif.
What do these things have in common?
Answers will cost £10 per minute and any entries received after tomorrow will not be counted but we'll keep your money.
Friday, 13 August 2010
Friday 13th August 2010
Superstition.
On Friday 13th many people stay in bed.
Superstitious people.
Stupid people.
Once upon a time it was thought to be ok to walk under a ladder as long as you held your left ear until you saw a woman wearing a black hat.
What happened if you didn't see one that day and your hand came off your ear whilst you slept?
You may never wake up.
Is rock salt salt that is shaped like little rocks or is it salt that has been made on rocks.
Are there loads of little criminals who have to break up big rocks of salt into little rocks with little sledge hammers?
Cigarettes were first discovered by the Chinese.
Not many people are aware of that fact.
They used to grow tobacco in the paddy fields and one caught on fire.
Breathing in the smoke, the elderly chinese supervisor nipped down to the corner shop and bought a packet of fags.
The chinese invented bamboo as well, apparently.
Shooting Stars every night for a week.
Vic and Bob are gonna be so tired.
I hope they will be able to cope........
On Friday 13th many people stay in bed.
Superstitious people.
Stupid people.
Once upon a time it was thought to be ok to walk under a ladder as long as you held your left ear until you saw a woman wearing a black hat.
What happened if you didn't see one that day and your hand came off your ear whilst you slept?
You may never wake up.
Is rock salt salt that is shaped like little rocks or is it salt that has been made on rocks.
Are there loads of little criminals who have to break up big rocks of salt into little rocks with little sledge hammers?
Cigarettes were first discovered by the Chinese.
Not many people are aware of that fact.
They used to grow tobacco in the paddy fields and one caught on fire.
Breathing in the smoke, the elderly chinese supervisor nipped down to the corner shop and bought a packet of fags.
The chinese invented bamboo as well, apparently.
Shooting Stars every night for a week.
Vic and Bob are gonna be so tired.
I hope they will be able to cope........
Tuesday, 10 August 2010
Tuesday 10th August 2010
I've got adverts from Sainsbury today.
Do I get any money for that?
I probably would if all you readers clicked on one of them.
So go on, you know you want to.
Maybe all my followers will click on them.
I'd make a fortune if I had any.
What do Sherpas do on their days off?
If they have days off, do they just sherp around?
Maybe they get in a bit of training, to keep themselves sharp.
Sharp Sherpas.
Or maybe they do a bit of team bonding.
I wonder what the career prospects are in the world of sherping?
Do apprentice Sherpas aspire to be Chief Sherpas, or Senior Sherpas, or are they just content with their lot?
I need to ask one next time I see one, whenever that may be.
I bet Jamie Oliver wouldn't be seen dead without at least one Sherpa when he does his Himalaya specials, which he apparently often does.
Wonder if they all have to have a lisp, just so they don't make him look stupid.
As if he would need any help.
Someone once said that football is a funny old game.
Well not tonight it fucking ain't.
6-1...........peh
Do I get any money for that?
I probably would if all you readers clicked on one of them.
So go on, you know you want to.
Maybe all my followers will click on them.
I'd make a fortune if I had any.
What do Sherpas do on their days off?
If they have days off, do they just sherp around?
Maybe they get in a bit of training, to keep themselves sharp.
Sharp Sherpas.
Or maybe they do a bit of team bonding.
I wonder what the career prospects are in the world of sherping?
Do apprentice Sherpas aspire to be Chief Sherpas, or Senior Sherpas, or are they just content with their lot?
I need to ask one next time I see one, whenever that may be.
I bet Jamie Oliver wouldn't be seen dead without at least one Sherpa when he does his Himalaya specials, which he apparently often does.
Wonder if they all have to have a lisp, just so they don't make him look stupid.
As if he would need any help.
Someone once said that football is a funny old game.
Well not tonight it fucking ain't.
6-1...........peh
Sunday, 8 August 2010
Monday 9th August 2010
When I was at junior school we used to have free milk every morning.
For some reason though the school didn't keep it in a fridge so by the time we were given it, it was warm.
Either that or they kept it in the fridge but then warmed it up in a microwave oven before giving it to us.
That's highly unlikely though as microwave ovens weren't invented when I was at junior school.
I put my irrational fear and hatred of cows down to this period of my life and I am actually thinking of suing the head teacher who allowed this to happen.
For years I have yearned to love all things bovine but the memories come flooding back all too quickly and the cold sweats are soon to follow.
Trouble is, I can't for the life of me remember the name of the teacher in question.
Must be all the stress.
I blame my lack of swimming expertise on the school too.
This time it's secondary school, not junior school.
We had an outdoor pool, there were icebergs on it, even in summer.
I'm sure there was a shipwreck at the bottom of the deep end too.
Didn't learn to swim until I was 24.
In the days before freezers only the very rich could experience ice.
Rich people had ice houses, and I don't mean houses that were made of ice, I mean houses where ice was stored and the door faced north and was insulated with straw.
But where did the ice come from?
To harvest it from English lakes would only have been possible very rarely so it must have been imported from somewhere really cold.
Like Siberia or somewhere.
But how did the ice importers get it here?
They couldn't really stick it in the fridge, could they?
They must have started with a huge great big massive chunk of ice and arrived with a much much smaller piece.
I'm surprised their boat didn't sink too, all that water, would've been like a flood.
And then it would need to be transported via horse and cart, or donkey, to your house.
Maybe that's how ice cubes were invented.
Start with a fuck off big piece and end up with an ice cube.
No wonder it was only for the rich.............
For some reason though the school didn't keep it in a fridge so by the time we were given it, it was warm.
Either that or they kept it in the fridge but then warmed it up in a microwave oven before giving it to us.
That's highly unlikely though as microwave ovens weren't invented when I was at junior school.
I put my irrational fear and hatred of cows down to this period of my life and I am actually thinking of suing the head teacher who allowed this to happen.
For years I have yearned to love all things bovine but the memories come flooding back all too quickly and the cold sweats are soon to follow.
Trouble is, I can't for the life of me remember the name of the teacher in question.
Must be all the stress.
I blame my lack of swimming expertise on the school too.
This time it's secondary school, not junior school.
We had an outdoor pool, there were icebergs on it, even in summer.
I'm sure there was a shipwreck at the bottom of the deep end too.
Didn't learn to swim until I was 24.
In the days before freezers only the very rich could experience ice.
Rich people had ice houses, and I don't mean houses that were made of ice, I mean houses where ice was stored and the door faced north and was insulated with straw.
But where did the ice come from?
To harvest it from English lakes would only have been possible very rarely so it must have been imported from somewhere really cold.
Like Siberia or somewhere.
But how did the ice importers get it here?
They couldn't really stick it in the fridge, could they?
They must have started with a huge great big massive chunk of ice and arrived with a much much smaller piece.
I'm surprised their boat didn't sink too, all that water, would've been like a flood.
And then it would need to be transported via horse and cart, or donkey, to your house.
Maybe that's how ice cubes were invented.
Start with a fuck off big piece and end up with an ice cube.
No wonder it was only for the rich.............
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